Online Friendships

There really shouldn’t be any need for this post. But as this community grows it becomes more and more obvious that people have absolutely no idea how to act around other people. What would you do if a stranger walked up to you in the street and started saying to other people that you’re their friend? Would you play along? Be flattered? Or, more likely, a little freaked out?

That’s what this post is about. How to treat people on this community with the respect that they deserve.

How To Make Friends
First and foremost, lets imagine just for a second that the people on here are real people with actual emotions. Now that we’re picturing that, try to imagine how you’d make friends with them in real life. For starters you wouldn’t just go up to them and tell them they’re your friend based on what you’ve seen them say to other people, would you?

Of course not. You’d talk to them properly. Maybe you’d introduce yourself, maybe you’d just leap into a conversation they’re already having and give your two cents on the subject, or perhaps you’d laugh at a joke they’d told and compliment them on their wit. Maybe after a few such incidents you’d count that person as some sort of acquaintance if not an actual friend. Maybe then you’d start working towards an actual friendship.

The question is, why does this not happen online? Why do people try to skip this process and go straight to best buds stage. It seems to be sign up, find someone interesting, CLICK you’re my friend! Which is all fine and good for the new member. “Hey, I made a friend.” But what about the people who’ve been added? Do any of you think about that?

Well, that person gets an inbox telling them that someone they’ve never heard of has added them as a friend. They wonder why so they visit the person’s page and usually find the person hasn’t even filled in their profile, nevermind started posting themselves. They get pissed off at the wasted time and immediately see you in a bad light. Not the best start to a friendship is it?

Now try this next time you’ve seen someone’s page that you like. First make a comment on a few posts on that person’s page. Now have a look at what groups that person is part of. If you share any interests that are expressed through those groups, join up and you’ll also meet other likeminded people. Post on those groups forums. Get to know people. Then ask if they mind you adding them to your friends list. There’s nothing nicer to see in a potential friend than a little humility.

Hopefully, with these little tips you’ll be able to make some decent friends on here and less people will be pissed off at you. Have fun on My Opera, but remember to treat people with respect.

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230 thoughts on “Online Friendships

  1. I'll second that… very witty.. Will you be my friend that you'll never meet? :D(Sorry Mik, I couldn't help myself)

  2. It isn't just the newbies that do the instant 'add friend' – there are veterans who add as a friend anybody who goes near anything they've done. People with dozens of pages of friends concern me – can't you be a little picky?

  3. I've linked this to my post of tips for new members (still spotlighted on the front page, yay!) so hopefully less people will join up and make the same mistakes that so many people do. Now, if only we could make the pervs see sense somehow… I'm sick of seeing people's nipples πŸ˜† amongst other things.

  4. And what's the etiquette for removing a friend? If you do, do they get notified? Not that i'm currently likely to do that…:)

  5. Nope, they don't get notified as far as I know. Take your friends list off your blog and they'll never be able to tell. *looks meaningfully towards the top of his page*

  6. By the way folks, if you're sick of people adding you at random, add this post to your spotlights. Maybe it'll act as a deterrent.

  7. It's what us partly irish people say in order to let people know we're irish. Kind of like the scottish saying "och aye, see you jimmy" or New Yorkers saying boiger instead of burger. πŸ™‚

  8. (theoddbod)It isn't just the newbies that do the instant 'add friend' – there are veterans who add as a friend anybody who goes near anything they've done. People with dozens of pages of friends concern me – can't you be a little picky?

    I have been on Opera for a while now. Everyone that I add to my list, obviously I enjoyed reading their blog. I tried to add 'theoddbod' I think! I am not even sure really….I had a look on my list and didn't see him on there. Anyway-if I want to add 400-500-1000 people I think that I shouldn't be criticized unfairly for it. Maybe we like friends! Well, to be honest, I like the whole 'comment' factor on the blogs. That is what I really enjoy, commenting and receiving comments. πŸ™‚ I mean, it's fun. And if I don't care what you think-then I put the particular blog post on 'private' or I write it as 'friends only'. This is a problem easily solved. Live and let live. Some people want a long list and some don't…plain and simple. πŸ™‚ Okay and also my 2 cents on making friends….welllll you put them on your friend list, and then become friends. I can actually put my real friend list on both hands….'friend' is just a word. πŸ™‚ But becoming a genuine friend takes so much more.I will shut up now.:heart:

  9. do you people ever sleep? πŸ™‚ lol yeah online is completely different, I agree. No it wasn't offence…but you made a general statement and I applied it to myself..that's all.:(

  10. @angel292005 : i hope i didn't cause offence – it wasn't directed at you. I was thinking more of those who quite blatantly add every 'recent visitor' to their list. They're sort of middle veterans, with more friends than days online. From my point of view i'd rather somebody shared a few threads i was posting in first. After all, if you make them a friend then they get to see all but your private posts. I don't really know what to think – maybe i shouldn't try to apply real-life rules to online stuff.

  11. Well Kim and Mik were online, but I am not sure right now…Yeah I know you are like 6 hours ahead of me, and it is 9 pm here. So it is 3 there? :eyes: I would be passed out by then. πŸ™‚

  12. Mart – that's strange. I'm often the same. My sleep pattern is very erratic.Sarah, you made loads of good points there. My friends list right now is only of the people I'd trust with pretty much anything. It really does bug me when people who've not even visited my page just add me. I've made it sorta protocol to inbox everyone who adds me, who I don't know, to ask why. It's stupid. Who knew there were so many freaks on here?But you know – you guys make it worth it.Yeah yeah, I'm being a tad emotional again – so sue me:p πŸ˜†

  13. I'll personally only add people who've added me after a week, if they've been commenting on my posts or I see them in forums I use, and they've been posting on their blogs.The exceptions are those I've been chatting with for a while then realise I haven't added them yet. It's kinda rare for me to add someone before they add me.Sometimes my friends only posts will be quite private and I like to keep that privacy. Yet what's the point of even putting it on here unless someone's gonna read it. So I'm picky about my friends list these days.

  14. Originally posted by theoddbod:

    It is now 0327. I never could keep normal hours – my body block likes 26 hour days.

    I used to have a 28 hour day for mine, but I'm pretty much down to 24 hours now. But true, I regularly stay up til 3am. Addicted, me? Perish the thought. πŸ˜†

  15. Amen! The link to this post would be perfect to send to "we've-never-talked-but-I-find-you-interesting-let's-be-friends" people. Mind if I do?

  16. I need to clear my friends list..:rolleyes: I keep getting added as a friend although I don't visit their pages or even knew the person existed.. one dude recently added me and I have absolutely no idea what language he speaks.. :faint:

  17. Ditto. I've got pages and pages of people who've added me and haven't been added back. There's only a few people I even talk to regularly enough to call friends here.

  18. Originally posted by Cois:

    I have absolutely no idea what language he speaks..

    +1.I too am rather picky with my friends list (or should I say acquaintance list) and seldom add people. When I do it is because I've interacted with them and feel some sort of fellowship (does this even come out right or does it only sound good in my head? :lol:). That would of course require the ability to communicate in the first place.The rest of what you all said is over my head πŸ˜†

  19. I need to update my friends list too, but in a good way. I think Cois may have trouble eating Bumblebee…and even greater trouble trying to seduce him.

  20. Crazy +1? It just isn't enough with "we're all kinda crazy" for you, huh :pAnyway – that is the reason I still stick around I guess. The craziness. More or less :DYours truly,Natural born poet.

  21. Actually, I was just kidding. I can see how that didn't come out clearly :pWeb tests you say? I'm up for any test where I can get a result. Any result.*footnote* Jazz sounds best in (someone elses) headphones. πŸ˜€

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