The Contemporary Effects Of The Word Of God

Thanks go to rfhurley for transcribing this letter for me.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who gives advice to callers. On a recent show she quoted the Bible on homosexuality, explaining that it is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura from a “fan:”

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s laws and how to follow them.

Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev.15:19-24). The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev.24:10-16)? Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev.20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

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115 thoughts on “The Contemporary Effects Of The Word Of God

  1. 1. Canadians – Its obvious you cant Pwn Canadians – they have Teh Pwnerer on their side. 2. Given the poor rate of exchange for the dollar do you prefer groats , goats or shekels?3. Its obvious – if they ignore you or refuse to say anything its because they are trying to observe this proscription. If they swear, curse or otherwise abuse you , then they are ok and you can feel free to chat away to your heart's delight.4. be more open minded – include them in the activity. Offer to help them sacrifice their firstborn in accordance with biblical tradition.5. Dont fall into the trap. The police have one and all worked on a sunday they are servants of the devil. Be vigilant be pure – get it right and kill the cops first. 6. Freshwater or saltwater shellfish?7. The appropriate biblical standard eyesight test is reading a one cubit tall stone tablet engraved in 42point Bold Biblical font sanskrit held at arms length above the head of a bearded patriarch at 10 paces whilst in the middle of a heaving and disbelieving throng. Under no circumstances approach a church until this test is passed. 8. They should be hung – but only using a rope woven from their own back or nostril hair. Then quartered by ravenous turtles.9. Its ok if you play it in the sanctified and biblical way. Dont kill the pig before inflating its bladder. Instead smear it in butter. Chase it around shouting 'Squeal little piggy'. In the event of a lack of live pig use a visiting hunter. Preferred musical accompaniment is banjo. 10. Killing is too good for him. Such blatant flouting of biblical law will result in an apocalypse not seen since the time of Soddom and Gamorah. Merely keep a minimum safe distance of 10 paces from him at all time and await divine retribution. Aid the lord along with a can of gas and a few cigarettes.

  2. Yeah. Honestly… WHO CARES?! What people do, is THEIR business. Not the whole world's. It makes me really angry when people like that have to get angry with someone for something like that. :irked:Also, being gay is not really a choice. I have some gay friends. They are cool, just the same. I am at a Cathlioc school, and no one even seems to care. ๐Ÿ˜†

  3. Nope, this isn't a joke. All these things are listed in the bible, most of them in the book that says homosexuality is wrong in God's eyes. This guy just pointed it out to the twat that was preaching that homosexuality is evil. I love it when people show idiots up.

  4. …No. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ What planet do yah live on? ๐Ÿ˜† (jk)Now, high school CS kids wear uniforms, and they canchoose colors and stuff. Waaay less strict. :yes:

  5. I can't see people's CSS via Mini unless they post a screenshot hun. Whack one up and I'll have a look.I haven't escaped from my watched list all day so I haven't gotten round to people's new stuff yet.

  6. You just upload the photo to your files as normal then put the code on your page. Edit a post you've done with a photo and find the code for that photo. Copy it but change the last bit to the name and type of your new photo. :up:

  7. You can see my diplay photo though, right? The cabin one. That's what the banner looks like. Sorry, I know how to do screenshots but I don't know how to put it on here, or in the comment box.

  8. Nice post Furie.. :up: I read it to my mum and she had a laugh but then said 'even the devil can quote the bible..':rolleyes:

  9. :cunfused:…I always dreamed that is would either be a bus,, or a boat.And I knew that I was going there, anyways. But I had hoped to be able to sit next to Suzu, as she has the same evil mind as I do. ๐Ÿ˜›

  10. Good! Maybe I'll get to speak to someone at the post office without having it close down while I'm still in the queue. ๐Ÿ˜ก

  11. ๐Ÿ™„ You been hanging round us for too long Carol. Even your jokes are making people roll their eyes. ๐Ÿ˜†

  12. ๐Ÿ˜† Ok Cois, try again, is it "he will~~he'll" or is it "hell, he will~~ hell, he'll" :confused: :p ๐Ÿ˜€

  13. Yay, we're outta the grammar lesson. Dr Laura probably did what everyone who makes their money out of religion does, denounced the guy as a heretic and used the saying that Cois's mum said when he read it to her.

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