A Little Song For You

Sunday morning and I’m knackered. Reminds me of a time fourteen years ago…

The knock came at the door ripping me from my dreams. I dragged myself out of my bed, wrapped a towel around my waist and answered the door.

A friend from school, Chris, was waiting for me. He was bright red and looked like he’d been crying. I invited him in, made a couple of coffees and lit a cigar. I’d only recently started smoking them and had gotten a real taste for one in the morning.

“So, you gonna tell me what’s going on or not?”

He just sat silently, sipping his coffee. I reached for the whisky and irished mine up, then slid the bottle across the table to him.

“Whatever’s happening, surely it can’t be that bad?”

Still he sat silent.

“Dude, I’m getting worried now…”

He finally opened up, and I realised that he was terrified and also a fool. He’d been in a newsagent’s and seen a porn magazine, reached up to the top shelf to get it down, started to flick through it, then suddenly ran out the door without paying and taken the magazine with him. Now he was terrified that the police would be waiting for him when he got home.

“Right, you and I are heading back to that shop. We’re not only gonna return the magazine, you’re gonna apologise and pay for it as well. I’ll sweet talk the guy and we can probably get you off with a warning.” I knew the shop he was talking about and knew the owner hated the cops in this country and wouldn’t contact them over something small like this, but it wouldn’t hurt me to let Chris think he would.

We walked down the old out of use railway tracks to get there. I noticed a torn up porn magazine in the bush just before we exited and hit the road with the shop. I asked him whether that was what we were meant to be returning and he said it was but he was so ashamed he just destroyed it.

“You couldn’t have mentioned that before? You’ve got no idea how hard this is gonna be now. Wait here.” I left him there and stomped off to the shop, making a big show of being pissed off.

I walked in and told the owner what had happened and he made the coffee while I paid for the magazine and bought a pack of smokes. We had a laugh about it when I told him what had happened. Eventually I headed back to the railway tracks and told Chris it was all sorted, how much money he owed me and that next time he was on his own. Hopefully he learned his lesson.

“What the hell has that got to do with a song?”, says anyone who’s read the title of this post. Well, that happened a few weeks later. I was telling my mate Gaz about it and, as happened frequently in those days, we came up with a bit of craziness to go with the story.

So, to the tune of Ten Green Bottles…

Ten naked sad men, wanking round a mag.
Ten naked sad men, wanking round a mag.
But if one of those losers could get a real shag.
There’d be nine naked sad men, wanking round a mag.

Hope you enjoyed my little story and it’s song.


110 thoughts on “A Little Song For You

  1. :up: Sounds like you could do with it mate.I read your post, but I'm not prepared to be dragged into another argument by Sarah so I didn't comment. I can kinda relate. We both got this place as a thin line of sanity to hold on to.

  2. Thanks mate.. :up: Now for some meat.. :chef: I thought so..Well I fall to get up..But I feel better, meat solves my troubles.. 😀

  3. Meat's always good. 😆 Well, good reaction to this so far. Maybe I'll post more about my past sometime. 😀

  4. Nah, his lesson was learned. I didn't keep it a secret, never said I would. Taking him there would have decreased the effects.

  5. Clint, i would never nick a mag and tear it just because some guilty feeling. i nick it and read it 😮 and WTF is guilty feeling anyway? :left::right: :p

  6. oh that… i've been quite wondering about that strange feeling. but ah… that's nothing, i get over it once i get myself in the mall :p

  7. Fan, guilty is that strange hungry feeling you get whenever you tie Dennis to the bed then go shopping using his credit cards.:)

  8. Yeah, me too. *chains Fanny up and grab's Dennis's credit cards*Oh, to the person who got to this post while searching for "men wanking" on Google, get a life dude.:lol:

  9. 😮 you've just figured that out? where the hell have you been, wolfie? :insane: glad y'all enjoyed the videos 😮 stay tune… i'll make a trilogy soon 😆

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