This is a routine from one of the greatest stand up comics who ever lived. You’ll see a lot of his work make it’s way into this segment eventually. Ladies and Gentlemen, the immortal Bill Hicks…
Fundamentalist Christianity. Fascinating. These people actually believe the world is twelve thousand years old. Swear to God. “Based on what?” I asked them.
“Well we looked at all the people in the Bible, and we added them up all the way back to Adam and Eve. Their ages, twelve thousand years!”
Well how fucking scientific. I didn’t know you’d gone to so much trouble there. That’s good.
“Okay, you actually believe the world is only twelve thousand years old?”
“Okay I’ve got one question to ask you. A one word question. You ready?”
You know the world’s twelve thousand years old and dinosaurs existed in that time, you’d think it would’ve been mentioned in the fucking Bible somewhere.
And lo Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth and lo a gigantic Diplodocus blocked their path…with a thorn in it’s foot. And lo, the disciples did run for their lives, screaming “What a big fucking lizard, Lord.”
But Jesus was unafraid, and pulled the thorn from the dinosaur’s paw and sent the lizard to Scotland where he lived for hundreds of years in a Loch, visited by thousands of American tourists who bring their fat fucking families and their fat dollar bills. And lo did Scotland’s men rejoice and praise the lord by wearing skirts for the rest of their lives.
“Actually God put dinosaur bones here to test our faith.”
“I think God put you here to test my faith, dude. Seriously, does it bother anyone else that God might be fucking with our heads?”
***Bill mimes digging a hole***
“Ho ho ho, lets see who believes in me now. Stupid fuckers…”