Relax, I Be A Doctor

Good morning readers, if you’re below the age to give sexual consent in your country then you should stop reading now because today I’m going to be having cyber sex with each and every one of you.

 

Yeah baby, take it deep. Touch yourself… just there. Oh yeah! I wanna interface my non floppy hard drive with your rear access port. You like that, baby? Tell me you like it. Say my name bitch!


*lights a cigarette*

Unfortunately I know that at least one of my readers is pervy enough to have acted that out, you know who you are and should be ashamed, so I’d like to take the time to explain to that person that I just raped them. Oh, didn’t I mention this post is about long distance rape?

Well, it appears that a Tunisian man is being charged with raping a woman without touching her because they had phone sex. While they were “totally into” an erotic conversation he heard her scream and she later reported bleeding. A medical examiner has declared the 20 year old woman is no longer a virgin following the encounter and her family is attempting to press charges for rape.

Call me old fashioned, but I always thought rape meant sex without consent. I’m having trouble seeing how this woman was forced into sex when the entire physical act was her own doing. How is it possible that she didn’t consent?

Oh, and don’t bother phoning your lawyers to charge me with rape, readers. You were obviously asking for it, coming in here dressed like that, and I faked it anyway so there’s no evidence.

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40 thoughts on “Relax, I Be A Doctor

  1. I'm pretty sure this news story will be on the Swedish news tomorrow! It has happened several times…I've read it here…and then the next day PAFF there it is in the news paper! 🙂

  2. How does it feel Mik? To notice that nobody cares if they've been virtually raped? Huh? Will you have a knife next time and threaten to kill them (us)?

  3. :eyes: i think the woman is either an idiot or just shocked about losing her virginity without having touched by a man, or even by anyone! But still… That's stupid, and i don't know how to put it in a smilie

  4. We're being analy raped right now? :confused: I don't feel a thing..:confused: is Mik inadequate or is it just that its not bloody possible? :p answer me that..:devil:

  5. The prisoners say after a while you learn to relax those muscles, so there isn't so much anal tearing. Ask Neraks bananas… :whistle:  It's obvious by your statements that you've done this before :p

  6. Actually it's this damn connection. It's going so slow that almost nothing's getting through. 😡 Once I get Wi-fi you wont be able to sit down again. :devil:

  7. I've heard that with too much anal you won't hear a guy fart again.. :sherlock: so for how long were you a prisoner?

  8. As if it can hear you when it's occupied with your own ass :p. It's definitely a one-shot weapon when used that way :left:

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