One of my more sadistic hobbies is to read the dating pages and laugh at them. It’s something I’ve done for years now, ever since I got bored enough to read the entire newspaper one day, including the sports section. You know the sort. The local newspaper usually has a page full of personal ads at the back and some of these things are hilarious and terrifying all at the same time. Here’s a few I’ve seen recently.
Female, 25, bi-curious, likes music, seeks female with similar interests.
So any woman that likes music will do?
Jean 72, widow, seeks lonely, nice male for friendship, maybe more. Preferably a car owner.
Someone didn’t take driving lessons while her hubby was alive and is now looking to exploit a lonely old man.
Marilyn 20 likes meals out, theatre, dancing, seeks male, 65 plus for long term relationship.
Long term? Notice she didn’t mention her eight previous husbands and their sudden deaths…
Sensual slender single mum seeks a real man to show her what he’s made of.
Must have own whip…
Attractive busty, petite female, 35, seeks soulmate for fun and romance.
Obviously a soulmate is found by describing that you’re busty and skipping any mention of personality and interests.
Lonely black female, 18, seeks male for no strings fun.
I know you’re still naive at 18 but surely advertising that you only want no strings fun is the reason she’s lonely?
Blonde 18 year old, slim, attractive, likes clubbing, seeks male.
Attractive, 18 years old and goes clubbing yet can’t find a man? I’d put money on this one being a serial killer.
Are you the man to spoil and pamper me in return for fun times? I am a sexy, busty brunette.
You’re also a prostitute.
Bored housewife seeks younger man to fulFILL my day.
Truly subtle use of the capitals in “fulFILL” there. Does your husband know you’re a whore?
Slim goth girl seeks similar guy who likes hanging round in graveyards for fun times.
That could have been worded so much better…
Slim attractive lady, brown hair, blue eyes, no ties, non materialistic, seeks professional car owner for fun holidays and nights out.
Non materialistic you say?
Margaret 60, brown hair, blue eyes, medium build, GSOH, seeks lorry driver for friendship.
Okaaaaay, that’s kind of specific.
Tracey seeks similar male.
I know just the fellow.
Katie 18, 5ft 6ins, size 10, blonde hair, green eyes, likes swimming, gym, romantic walks, nights in/out, seeks genuine, caring black male, 6ft 4ins or taller to make my friends jealous.
*shakes head in disbelief*
Genuine country lady, likes horses, seeks one for romance.
You want a horse???
Pre-op transexual seeks man for friendship and more.
And we all know what the more is.