The Dating Game

One of my more sadistic hobbies is to read the dating pages and laugh at them. It’s something I’ve done for years now, ever since I got bored enough to read the entire newspaper one day, including the sports section. You know the sort. The local newspaper usually has a page full of personal ads at the back and some of these things are hilarious and terrifying all at the same time. Here’s a few I’ve seen recently.

Female, 25, bi-curious, likes music, seeks female with similar interests.

So any woman that likes music will do?

Jean 72, widow, seeks lonely, nice male for friendship, maybe more. Preferably a car owner.

Someone didn’t take driving lessons while her hubby was alive and is now looking to exploit a lonely old man.

Marilyn 20 likes meals out, theatre, dancing, seeks male, 65 plus for long term relationship.

Long term? Notice she didn’t mention her eight previous husbands and their sudden deaths…

Sensual slender single mum seeks a real man to show her what he’s made of.

Must have own whip…

Attractive busty, petite female, 35, seeks soulmate for fun and romance.

Obviously a soulmate is found by describing that you’re busty and skipping any mention of personality and interests.

Lonely black female, 18, seeks male for no strings fun.

I know you’re still naive at 18 but surely advertising that you only want no strings fun is the reason she’s lonely?

Blonde 18 year old, slim, attractive, likes clubbing, seeks male.

Attractive, 18 years old and goes clubbing yet can’t find a man? I’d put money on this one being a serial killer.

Are you the man to spoil and pamper me in return for fun times? I am a sexy, busty brunette.

You’re also a prostitute.

Bored housewife seeks younger man to fulFILL my day.

Truly subtle use of the capitals in “fulFILL” there. Does your husband know you’re a whore?

Slim goth girl seeks similar guy who likes hanging round in graveyards for fun times.

That could have been worded so much better…

Slim attractive lady, brown hair, blue eyes, no ties, non materialistic, seeks professional car owner for fun holidays and nights out.

Non materialistic you say?

Margaret 60, brown hair, blue eyes, medium build, GSOH, seeks lorry driver for friendship.

Okaaaaay, that’s kind of specific.

Tracey seeks similar male.

I know just the fellow.

Katie 18, 5ft 6ins, size 10, blonde hair, green eyes, likes swimming, gym, romantic walks, nights in/out, seeks genuine, caring black male, 6ft 4ins or taller to make my friends jealous.

*shakes head in disbelief*

Genuine country lady, likes horses, seeks one for romance.

You want a horse???

Pre-op transexual seeks man for friendship and more.

And we all know what the more is.

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25 thoughts on “The Dating Game

  1. :lol:Here, usually "massage salons" put that kind of adds. People who seek companions in normal level, go to some kind of lonely people clubs. If they are not ashamed, of course…

  2. The one thing that makes me despair is the fact that there are members of this community that have statuses written like these. :yikes:

    Slim goth girl seeks similar guy who likes hanging round in graveyards for fun times.

    I wonder how many replies she is expecting to get. :rolleyes:I don't suppose you have any "male seeking female" ones? They are usually even more desperate than these. 🙄

  3. They put your number in "by mistake"? That's quite a big mistake. :eyes:Did you ever see the advert that kept your phone ringing 24/7? :confused:

  4. I never read the guy ones anymore. They're too sad. The only thing that ever changes is the age.We get dodgy massage adverts too Darko. Some of them couldn't be more blatant that they aren't trained chiropractors.

  5. Someone put my phone number in an ad for a massage salon by mistake some years ago. I've never had so many calls before, asking for my adress! :eyes:

  6. Yes, I saw the ad, I got one of the callers to tell me where he got the number from, so I went to buy the paper. The headline of the ad was "A beautiful Madonna" or something like that, and no, I didn't make any money on it. 😆

  7. The horse one cracks me up.. 😆 the goth one must really be desperate as all the other guys going to the graveyard must be taken.. 🙄

  8. p r i c e l e s s ! ! ! ! 😆 old she-man looking for a blonde-headed, blue-eyed cowboy. must have own truck and let me drive it! :yes:

  9. :eyes:There's a Dilbert cartoon where Dogbert uses advertising to try and get Dilbert a date. In it there's a big billboard saying something like "Get your dumpy, white male now. Supplies are limited" and Scott Adams used his own phone number on the billboard.He got LOADS of phone calls :p

  10. Isn't it kinda stupid to use a real phone number? I once read that there is a phone number that's used in movies. It's been specially allocated for movies and no one will ever have that number. I can't recall the number but I know it starts with 555

  11. These things, you don't put your own phone number in. It says on the dating pages that they allocate you a number. I think it goes through their system and is forwarded to you, I dunno

  12. Yeah they have a phone number for people to call and you're allocated a voice inbox on an extension number, and given a Pin code to sign into it.

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