Death Of A Sasquatch

In a press conference at the Cabana Hotel in Palo Alto today at noon, Matthew Whitton (a Georgia police officer) and Rick Dyer (a former prison guard) will be presenting the world with photographs of a body as well as DNA evidence claiming to prove what the body is of. Why would they need to provide DNA? Well, they're presenting the world with the body of Bigfoot. The corpse (pictured here) was found in the woods of northern Georgia and has been authenticated by Tom Biscardi, a local politician and Bigfoot researcher (bet you never thought those two jobs would go together) who has spent 37 years hunting for proof of Bigfoot's existance. At the press conference more photos will be shown, along with all current results of ongoing DNA testing and a video showing three living specimens walking around like humans do.

"We'll release the DNA analysis, and we'll have the body right next to the two boys. Then you can see it's real, that it's not all bullshit."

Vital statistics of the body:

• It is seven feet and seven inches tall.
• It is male.
• It weighs over five hundred pounds.
• It has two arms and two legs with five fingers on each hand and five toes on each foot.
• The footprint is sixteen and three quarter inches long and five and three quarter inches wide at the heel.
• The teeth are more like a human's teeth than an ape's.

The find was announced several weeks ago on an internet radio show – Squatch Detective – and the host asked if Dyer and Whitton would allow someone else to verify their find. They opted for Biscardi due to his many years hunting the beast. The next day, the show's producer contacted Biscardi and he agreed to check the body. In the time between then and now extensive scientific studies have been carried out on the body by a team of scientists including a paleontologist, a molecular biologist and an anthropologist. These will continue over the next few months with the preliminary results released today. Biscardi himself claims that his team are already preparing to capture one alive.

So what does everyone think? Real or hoax? Personally I hope it's a hoax because if this is real then the species is going to go through hell when it's revealed. The military and medical applications research alone would be worth billions. They'll be hunted to extinction or worse; bred in a lab for research purposes. A creature that's remained hidden despite becoming legendary for so long deserves better.
:worried: