I’ve just been writing my letter to Santa.

Dear Satan Claus, devourer of childrens souls.
This year I have been a very Ritalin-addled little advertising tampon. I have sometimes pillaged, and I have always helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their colostomy bag. And I always say thank you, which makes it seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of blank cheques this year!

Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring the onset of menopause. For my daddy, please bring a new topaz studded ass plug. For my little brother, please bring methodone. For my hamster, please bring non-surgical sterilization. Oh, and for my case worker, please bring some work ethic.

Now about me! Please bring me all of the Spongebob Squarepants toilet paper, and front-row tickets to Mary-Kate and Ashley – plus backstage passes so I can get coked up! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my amputee Afghan orphan. But if you can’t, just remember that what I want more than anything Santa, is $100,000,000! Anyway, I hope you like the eight-ball I left out for you.

Yours Mik

PS: Please say Merry Christmas to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.

PPS: Oh yeah, and remember George Bush? He has been a really perverted coprophile all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put ebola in their stocking. Thanks!

Write your own letter, by following this link.


15 thoughts on “Letter

  1. You'll be meeting Ralph on Xmas Eve. :devil:.As for the front row tickets, how else am I supposed to get close enough to throw bricks?

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