Things I Learned Before I Was Ten Years Old

Did you know that I have a magical stomach with an entire country in it?

No, I’m not just talking about how fat I’ve become in recent years, although that also is a concern. What I’m talking about is something that I learned as a child – that there are starving children in Africa and that is somehow a reason for me to clear my plate when I’m no longer hungry. Obviously Africa is in my stomach and the food I eat rains down to them, sustaining them and stopping their starvation somehow.

I remember asking if there was a quicker way to get the food to them and if they mind eating food I’d already chewed. That earned me a slap. For a little while I tried not to chew much so the food would be a little more appetizing for them, but soon gave up when I almost choked to death on a roast chicken.

Anyway Africa, you’re welcome.


99 thoughts on “Things I Learned Before I Was Ten Years Old

  1. Yeah, soon as you guys cut down on the sudden population burst. :irked: Your god has grown recently. 😥

  2. No-one has ever tried the "Starving children in Africa" guilt-trip on me, so I don't know how it goes. I've heard other people talk about it but I've never heard it first-hand. :cry:If there's an entire continent inside you, have you thought about taxes? :left::devil:

  3. Some parents just say the stupidest things! :rolleyes:We had a satire show on the radio a while ago, where a mother calls her daughter, running all kinds of guilt trips on her. They called it "Guilt with guilt on". 😀

  4. Yes, plus the "I put a phone in your pocket the last time I saw you, so… you could call you know…" 🙄

  5. My parents went more for the "everyone else has eaten it" routine :rolleyes:. Combine this with the "just because friend X has that, doesn't mean you have to" routine, and my attitude to peer pressure got somewhat confused.

  6. :lol:Maybe that's how the Africans felt after they found out you were their official taster/digester :left:

  7. Weirdly my mum pulled the 'starving kids in China' one :doh: like we didn't have enough starving bastards 🙄

  8. I just cracked up. Never once thought kids in Africa would get the starving children routine thrown at them too. :lol:.Where you been man? Was starting to worry.

  9. Kinda having massive network problems..:irked: well ya know where I was now.. Kinda getting my online fix now and got a few hundred emails to get through :insane:.Guess my mum just threw that one at us as we feel South Africa isn't part of Africa 🙄 seriously we never thought that all those little pot belly kids were part of the same continent :doh: mean? Yes.. 😮

  10. Hang on … internet access in Africa is only available through wind-up computers borrowed from passing journalists who are there only to write about the people sitting on the ground wearing loincloths with their faces covered in flies, isn't it? :whistle: ;)(Ooh … ! New meme? Each commenter add something to the previous notion – a word, a sentence – inclusive of the previous comments? Perhaps the next one could be about Jacob Zuma. My condolences on that, by the way, Cois 😦 ).

  11. Is there anything we could make up about him that wouldn't be confirmed as true? :insane: That shower thing blew me away.

  12. Imagine … the cure to HIV/AIDS was there all the time, just waiting for Jacob Zuma to discover it! 🙄 😆

  13. Why wont the medical community listen to his wisdom? It's racial profiling I swear. They think the lab he's in is made of sand and rocks so it's not sterile enough to do these sort of tests. :mad:.On a serious note, I was actually shocked when I found out how popular mobile web access was in South Africa. The only exposure we had to any part of Africa as a kid were images like this.The impression I was given was that everyone in Africa lived like that, and it's an impression that stuck.TV lied to me. 😥 Next they'll be revealing that black families in America don't all start dancing to jazz when they get together. 😡

  14. 😆 Guilt tripping rocks. Except when thrown in your own face, of course… Then it just sucks.

  15. I'm gonna get banned for racism if I keep this illusion up. 😆 I did know before I came here that South Africa isn't stuck a couple of hundred years ago. The point is that this is actively hidden from most people in my country, which makes me wonder just what my country's problem is. :sherlock:

  16. They don't? :yikes: Hold on, you do all dress is tribal gear and only eat what the witch doctor tells you the spirits will allow, don't you?

  17. Stop calling your kitties lions :lol:.True enough.. When me Mik and Kim started off he was plenty suprised that we had villages.. Uhm.. Cities i mean :left: it reminded me of the story in news way back where an american couple landed at Johannesburg airport in full safari gear and they thought wild animals walked freely around :doh:.Sorry to shatter your impressions :p

  18. Oh.. I think I knew more about SA from a film I watched when I was very young, it's called 'stolen lives'. It was set around SA. So I'm not really as clueless as the American couple 😀

  19. As to your question Mik, some of my neighbours do dress in tribal Zulu attire, and only eat what the spirits of their ancestors tell them they can. :right:. And many of my neighbours wear a bracelet of goat's skin. :left:

  20. Yeah that is true… I met a guy overseas that couldn't believe there are white people in SA buth he knew who Mandela was :doh: :awww: they are lions true… :p

  21. Couldn't believe there are white people in South Africa yet knows who Mandela is? Did someone edit all apartheid references out of his life or something? :left:

  22. He was from Iran.. A refugee in London.. I worked at this youth hostel that became refugee accommodation and that is where I saw him…

  23. I guess it depends where you're from and what you'll hear.. Qlue for instances live more near black South Africans and will give you alot of tribal references.. my experiences limit me to the coloured community as that's how I roll :lol:. We discussed coloured and black in South Africa right? Good :p..Never seen Stolen Lives.. When it comes to movies to the 'outside world' it's easy to see why people get warped impressions of other countries.. You only see the people living in either great turmoil and think that's how it is for the whole country.I got my own misconceptions of other places but was glad when something or someone enlightened me..

  24. As long as we all agree that all Americans are on the run from shadowy government agencies for a crime they didn't commit. :up:

  25. I have a vague notion of some of those misconceptions regarding wildlife, given that a lot of people actually think that kangaroos really do hop down the main streets of the cities over here. Of course, within fifteen minutes' drive west of where I am (about an hour from Brisbane), you can see small groups of wallabies hopping about in acreage as you drive by, but they don't occupy cities, and they're only small wallabies as opposed to big red kangaroos. And there's certainly places closer to Brisbane that have the same sort of wildlife situation. They're just not actually hopping down the street … 😆

  26. Most people outside of Australia wouldn't know the difference between a wallaby and a kangaroo anyway. :lol:.

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