There’s an old adage about the internet called Rule 34. You wont find it in any site’s terms and conditions yet it exists. Rule 34 states that if you can think of anything then someone somewhere will have turned that thing into porn. It’s one of the fundamental rules of the universe, right up there with Sod’s Law which states that “Anything bad that can happen, will happen” yet is known as the Internet Rule because it wasn’t until the advent of the web that Rule 34 was widely accepted as being true. Rule 34 usually prefaces the statement “The internet – raping your childhood since 1994.”
Recently I decided to prove Rule 34 wrong. I searched Google Images with the safety turned off for a variety of things, all followed with the word “porn”. Fruit and vegetable names, old cartoons, Australian soap stars. Time and again Rule 34 thwarted me. Time and again, I hung my head in defeat (and also so I didn’t have to see what the Australian soap star was doing to the cartoon character with fruit and vegetables). And then it hit me, the one thing that no-one could make porn out of.
As a kid I was a huge Transformers fan. Giant robots that transformed into vehicles. Robots that have no genitals. It was perfect. Smugly grinning I typed “Transformers Porn” into Google Images and clicked the Search Images button. The smug grin disappeared off my face, quickly being replaced with absolute horror when I found this.
Is nothing sacred to you people!