On July 5th 1998 the world ended. Aliens known as X-ists landed and the world of normals, pinks and glorps ended, with those who weren’t immediately killed being enslaved by an army of evil clowns (known only as the Bozo Cult) who will eventually devour their souls. These were the prophesies put forwards by the satirical Church of the SubGenius when they formed in 1980, promising that members would be taken into space on the ships of Sex Goddesses, saved from these events which the SubGenii call the Rupture.
Now if you’re reading this, you’ll know that the church, formed as a parody of cults, extreme religious groups, UFO conspiracy theorists got it wrong. July 5th 1998 came and neither the X-ists nor the Sex Goddesses came down upon the planet. When the end didn’t come the Reverend Stang, leader of the church was tarred and feathered but allowed to keep his position. He has since studied the Scriptures of Bob (the holy writings that the church uses for it’s basis) and determined that they were read upside down and that the actual year of the “Rupture” will be 8661. Splinter groups have put forward other theories such as the well known fact that Earth was swapped with Mars shortly after the second world war, and that the X-ists did visit but actually visited Mars as a result.
Reverend Stang believes that X-day (as July 5th is known to all SubGenii) should be celebrated as a religious holiday by all members of the church.
If you can’t get off the planet, at least get off from work.
Happy X-day Folks