Tell An Old Joke Day

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says “Why the long face?”
The horse replies “If you’d seen what I just saw up on Brokeback Mountain, you’d look like this too.”

That’s right folks, the 24th July is the official Tell An Old Joke day, so start remembering and tell me those jokes.

Hmmm, am I the only one who thinks this should have been held yesterday?
:p

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36 thoughts on “Tell An Old Joke Day

  1. Hmm …Why did the chicken cross the road?To get to the other side.(That's a pretty old joke, yes?) πŸ˜‰

  2. πŸ˜† Mik:lol: DavidMik, do you remember the joke I liked? "Did you know I have a tatoo of a mouse?":lol:

  3. How to put elephant into refrigerator in 3 moves?1. open refrigerator2. put elephant in3. close refrigeratorHow to put rhino in refrigerator in 4 moves?1. open refrigerator2. put elephant out3. put rhino in4. close refrigerator

  4. I accidently bumped into another car the other day.The other driver angrily jumps out of his vehicle and – he's a dwarf!He looks up with me, pissed, and says: I'm NOT happy!I look back down on him and say: I see… Which one are you then?

  5. A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.Puzzled by her actions the man asked her "Is something wrong?"To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying "You’ve got mail!":rolleyes:

  6. A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says, "No, son, you're not." So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest says, "No, son, you're not." The drunk says, "Look, I can prove it." He walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, "Jesus Christ, you're here again?"

  7. The Five Secrets To A Great Relationship1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans and who has a job.2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.3. It is important to find a man who is dependable, respectful and doesn't lie.4. It is important to find a man who's good in bed and who loves to have sex with you.5. It is important that these four men never meet…

  8. A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"

  9. A man runs into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Give me ten shots of your best whisky." The bartender sets up the ten glasses. The man starts drinking them as quickly as the bartender serves them. The bartender asks, "Why are you drinking so fast?" "You'd drink fast too, if you had what I have." The bartender asks, "What do you have?" "Seventy cents."

  10. A man enters in doctor`s office, having a frog on top of his head."What the hell is this? – asked doctor, confused."I don`t know doc, look what grew up on my ass – replies the frog.

  11. A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."

  12. A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.

  13. A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, "You look nice today." A few minutes later he again hears a small voice, "That's a nice shirt." The guy asks the bartender, "Who is that?" The bartender says, "Those are the peanuts. They're complimentary!"

  14. A pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them up and the bartender says, "Don't you need to know where the bathroom is?" The pig says, "No, I go wee wee all the way home."

  15. A convent was blown up and all the nuns went up to heaven.Sister Mary and Sister Ruth are standing in line waiting on their turn to meet St. Peter and be let into heaven.They see a small fountain next to the gate, and that some of the nuns are washing their hands before they enter.Sister Mary silently walks towards St. Peter and asks why some of the nuns are washing their hands before entering.St. Peter replies "Well, we know that some of you have been… weak in the flesh, but since you are so pure at heart we want to give you a chance to enter anyway. All you have to do is wash the bodypart that has in been in contact with a male organ in the fountain."Suddenly there is a commotion behind Sister Mary.It's Sister Ruth running towards the fountain, screaming "Make way! I have to get to the fountain to rinse my mouth before Sister Mary washes her ass in it!"

  16. Here's an old one for ya!Men do it standing up,The Queen does it sitting down,dogs do it on three legs.What is it? :whistle:.

  17. I give you that one. :p. Here, have a Coisy snack! :cookie:.The correct answer is 'shake hands' but you were close enough! :p.

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