Top Ten Online Annoyances

With so many things on the web that annoy me, I thought it’d be fun to put together a top ten list of the annoyances on the web. And wouldn’t you know it, they’re almost all people in some way or another.

10) Super Fan
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, its someone who wont shut up talking about how great a mediocre celebrity is to the point that they may as well be adolescent girls with boy band posters on their wall. The latest super fans at the time of writing this are under the mistaken idea that Megan Fox can act and that Twilight was a good film. That alone says how awful this group is.

9) The Depressed
“Sigh”, “I’m so sad today.” and “Why can’t anything go right?” are the trade of this person. Yeah, we all have bad days, but we also all have good days too. When your microblog or status history are full of sentences like that then you’re either just looking for pity or you’re a bad weather friend who only comes online when they’re having a bad day.

8) The Blatant Fantasist
Usually a woman, this person spends every minute of every day blogging about how fabulous their life is. They blog about the picnic they took their kids yesterday despite being online all that time, the high paying job their wonderful husband has despite you never seeing photos of him, micro-blog constantly about their dilemma over which holiday home they own that they should visit next and spend hours redoing web tests until they’ve got the results they deem to be best. Yeah, we get it, life is hard for all of us and we all need an escape occasionally but do you really see yourself making friends if all you do is lie?

7) The Self Promoter
“Hi this is a good blog. Visit my blog on the following link.” We’ve all had comments like that eh? Yeah, we all appreciate visits from new people but, if they’re not actually going to read our posts and are blatantly just pasting in an advert for their own pages, then they’re using us. We check out their recent visitors lists and find the exact same comment on their pages too.

6) The One In A Million
Usually found in forums and tech places, this web user counts themselves as more important than others. Not only will they not bother to check if a problem has been reported before, they’ll put their report in bold or CAPITALS (or both) just so it stands out from the rest of the crowd. In a blogging environment this person can be combined with The Daily Edition to become the single most annoying person to ever visit your blog.

5) The Porn Baron Wannabe
Okay you’ve uploaded an incestuous photo of your sister/girlfriend (“Sirlferd” from now on) in a thong to your site and want everyone to know that you have sex with her. Good for you! But why do you feel the urge to repeatedly post the link everywhere you go, over and over again? Why is it so important that more and more people see your Sirlferd? Why does the second picture show the same girl but in a completely different living room? Oh, you have two do you? Hey, wouldn’t it have been a better idea to remove the site address watermark before you uploaded and tried to pretend she’s your Sirlferd? By the way, why did you think a news article about online banking was a suitable place to post that link?

4) The Stone Bleeder
“Wow, I just read that Michael Jackson is dead and I’ve had a brilliant idea. I think I’ll copy and paste every news article about it into my blog, then I’ll take every photo of him that I can find and post them. Individually. One by one. In seperate posts. Until my blog is the only thing you can find on the search engines when someone searches for this one event, as well as the only thing that shows on the site-wide recent posts roll. Oh look, Farrah Fawcett died too that day. I’ve just had another brilliant idea…”

3) The Paid Blogger
“Best Solution!!! Free Membership!!! Join Now!!!” Thankfully this sort has moved on to microblogging for the most part now, but they’re still annoying there. Can’t they at least put some effort into their paid spam rather than copying and pasting the same old crap over and over? A subset of these is the Political Blogger who, rather than selling a product, is selling a political ideal… by copying 32 pages of a document then pasting it into every page it sees as a comment, effectively blocking access to the page for anyone else.

2) The Daily Edition
This person comments on your page with information that isn’t related to the current subject at all but that they’ve found interesting and so they think everyone must know. When going on or returning from a holiday they’ll visit all the people they’ve decided are their friends and announce it to them in the same pasted comment. Their friend (who you’ve never spoken to or met) has something interesting happen and they’ll be spreading the news for them. And should a real news story enter their narrow field of vision, they’ll blog about it as if they were the first to know it and spread it via microblogging and status updates, usually without checking facts.

1) Celebrity Microblogging Cults
Oprah Winfrey makes between 3 and 5 updates on Twitter per month, mostly pushing upcoming shows or saying she’s added a celebrity as one of her 12 friends. At the time of writing this she has 2,083,158 followers. What does following this woman add to these people’s lives???


59 thoughts on “Top Ten Online Annoyances

  1. Ah, I know people that fit several of the categories each 🙄 I agree on all ten 😆 . I can probably add 5 more to the list :p

  2. Yes I know I'm not in the writer's contest to get an interns position at Opera, but this is an old post written before they wanted top ten lists. Coincidentally when they wanted a tech post I was about to post the look at future mobile technologies that I'd written. 😆 I have obligations that would prohibit me from taking such a job anyway.

  3. Now I'm trying to figure out which of those categories I fit into.Don't tell me, I'm enjoying guessing. :left::yes:If I may, I'd like to contribute

    11) The alphabet soupFor some people, there are never enough hours in the day – and this clique are determined to rectify this problem. By employing cunning time-saving measures such as substituting almost every word with an improvised, shorter homophone, and omitting all punctuation symbols, they can save themselves a few precious seconds – at the expense of adding whole minutes to the time it takes their readers to reconstruct the original message.

  4. Originally posted by Spaggyj:

    Ah, I know people that fit several of the categories each

    I am the one of them. I can recognize myself in almost all of these categories. Except on number 5, I am still single :PYes, dude, this is a really great post. Excellent. But would you come to visit my blog it is excellent, too. Really. And…I AM BIGGER CELEBRITY THAN OPRAH!!! I HAVE FOLLOWERS TOO. They all got free membership!!! I was so sad today but now I am extatic, yay!!!:POn a serious side, this is a great post. The one I wanted to make few months ago but was too lazy to push my brain in action 😀 Anyway, yours is better, I would probable be less bitter and sharp than you are 😀

  5. Originally posted by Furie:

    Furie # 18. September 2009, 09:18
    Hmmm, that's an idea. Everyone feel free to add your own annoyances to the comments.

    Have to think about it for awhile.

  6. I realised that I've been concentrating on mobile news and life things for a while now Darko, so I thought I'd go back to my blogging routes – saying what everyone is thinking and being angry about it. I think it turned out quite fun, but could have been better.

  7. These are just a few of the self-absorbed people that annoy me. Anyone can have minor traits like this but I'm talking about the people who use that as their entire identity. The worst I've seen was a combination of the worst parts of 2,4,6,7,8,9, and 10.We call number 11 wankers where I come from. :up: Seriously though there's normally not a problem understanding your posts. Sometimes they're a bit large, careening between a couple of subjects when they could be seperate posts for easier reading (something you're starting to change, I've noticed), but apart from that they're fine in my opinion.

  8. I still get annoyed by the people who visit once, add you as their friend, no comment, no intruduction, not even a "hello", then never come back. How rude!I don't think that's a category as such, other than possibly **someone who thinks their online status increases by the number of 'friends' they appear to have…**

  9. Those people are so annoying that they get their very own post. It comes from places like Facebook and Twitter and MySpace where people measure their relevance by how many people they have on their contacts lists. Supposed grown-ups who're acting like the 4 year old child who sees anyone their own age and declares them a friend.

  10. Actually, it's possible they just don't understand the idea of "friending."In the past, when I liked a blog, I'd bookmark it. When this contest began, the whole friending concept was alien to me, and I thought recent visitors would appreciate being friended. :doh: But I take great pride in having never copied and pastcopied and pasteded my comments. :happy:

  11. It is unless you also mean ways as well. Then it's perfectly alright to use routes (meaning the way you do something, as well as the road you travel to do it) in place of roots.:sst: Ever seen anyone defend a typo in such a believable manner?

  12. I thought I'd go back to my blogging routes

    :sst: I don't know for certain, but I always thought it was "roots" not "routes". 😮

  13. One of my fav annoyances is when guys that I don't know write me PMs with suggestions of things I won't even mention here.And what happened to using whole words? What's wrong with typing an entire word, like "you" instead of just "u"?Here's an example of a PM – I received it last week:

    am bored and now am falling 4u.i lyk u, i'll lyk to know u.what do u say??

    I'm insulted. He's bored, and because he's bored he's falling for me? I've never even talked with the guy, nor has he ever commented on anything I wrote.So what do I think? I think "Fuck off!"

  14. Ever notice how those who befriend you without having talked to you are proned to write something along the lines of "Helo freind" in the shoutbox?12) The attention-seeker. Although this one might often be "The Depressed".

  15. What I don't get about the degenerate losers who send (presumably mostly) the ladies of Opera their agonizingly crafted messages is what they actually expect. Are they truly sitting there, dick in hand, in the hopes that someone they've not even said boo to before 'am bored and now am falling 4u.i lyk u, i'll lyk to know u.what do u say??' is suddenly going to grab a plane ticket and rush over to them for a quickie? Losers! Get your hands out of your pants and leave the (presumably mostly) ladies of Opera alone!(Proposition Furie … that stubble is real sexy … 😉 ).

  16. The attention seeker is the general genre that the depressed falls into. I've got an horrific story coming up later on about that, which is why I left it as the depressed. Seriously, this story will make you look at everyone in a completely different manner.

  17. I had this one guy from Indonesia wanting to be my friend. Even after I explained I can't 'do' friends because of the Military hacking, and removed his invitation, he came back quite angry.. Wouldn't be surprised if they didn't fry every appliance in his house..

  18. Gyrobo,Quite right, he shouldn't. Just clearing any misunderstandings up, though – my comments were referring to an old post Mik did where someone once sent him one of 'those' messages, (somehow) thinking he was a woman, based on his profile picture (despite the stubble).Actually … it happened more than once as I recall … 🙄 😆 😉 Which, of course, speaks more about them than about Mik. :up:

  19. I think we ought to add another – the bloggers who group together in communities cliques to bitch and snigger because they only have css, html, gadgets, widgets, flash, os…but don't do anything on Earth with it all except gather like excited apes banging sticks on the ground when they see something strange or new on 'their' territory.. =o}

  20. Talking to yourself again MiK? :whistle:.Should we mention the blogs that consist entirely of links to news articles? :left:.They would be much less irritating on twitter. :p.

  21. No. 12 – The NarcissurrectionistStays quiet for months on end, then suddenly posts a million identical comments everywhere saying "come and read my blog and see what a rotten time I've been having"No. 13 – Jaws BloggerLeaves your blog alone for months on end, then suddenly goes through hundreds of posts leaving useless comments and making you curse them for devouring your data.:D

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