They say the third time’s the charm. Yeah, they also used to say the planet was flat, or that it’s the centre of the universe with all other planets revolving around it. They say a lot of things but it’s very rare that they actually get things right. Maybe that’s the reason that “they” never leave their names when they say these things eh?
Wanna hear something else that they say? Yeah, thought you would. They say that when you die you see a bright light at the end of a tunnel with everyone you love at the end of it. They say you go to a happy place where you’ll know everything, have all your questions answered, and have all your imperfections removed. Ain’t that a pretty picture? Unfortunately, like so many of the things they say it’s very wrong. Trust me, I didn’t get that the first time I died. I guess I was kind of angry at the world about that. Angry at the people who’d lied to me, angry at them both for lying to me and for believing such crap themselves. In time the anger faded and I did my best to forget what I had seen that day. I was just a child after all. But try as I did, forgetting such a monumental revelation was something I could never fully do. I buried it deep within me and pretended to forget, but I never really did. And if you can’t forget then forgiveness is something you can never fully do.
So the second time I died I decided to do something about it and made damn sure to remember every detail. Wouldn’t you know it, I saw the same thing over again – proof that “they” knew bugger all. Can you believe that I was so naive at the time that I wanted to change things? I wanted to help people see the truth about where we all go after death. I wanted them to know where souls come from, what they’re for and explain the mysteries of the universe to them. Of course, I’d have to start with someone open to the possibility of life after death to even start explaining this stuff so I chose the local priest. After making an appointment (who knew that priests take appointments?) I went in and told him about my experience, how I’d died twice and gone through the exact same thing both times.
I told him that the tunnel isn’t really a tunnel at all, it just looked that way because of the speed I was moving but, when I managed to look at it properly, I could see it was just stars and planets passing at faster than light speed. I told him about the gigantic gassy planet at the end of the “tunnel”, glowing with a warm light (kind of like those balls in the Prisoner TV show), and how that planet was God for want of a better name. I told him how every time someone dies their soul returns to God and becomes a part of him, how all the experiences of our lives become part of the vast ball of knowledge containing the memories of everyone we know and everyone who has ever existed and died are in there. I told him how as I approached God, I became aware of the nature of life. How the big bang was God dying and decaying, it’s cells flying out across time and space as our souls. I explained how I knew our purpose here is simply to exist and experience things, how the meaning of life is to live, how we’ll all one day return with our knowledge to the gigantic glowing sphere, and how the last soul will cause God to die again, restarting the entire process again just as it has billions of times before.
Can you guess what this priest did next? That’s right. This man of God threw me out of his house, jeering at my “childish story”. He had an old book that has been continually mistranslated and rewritten for political purposes that he’d much rather trust than someone who has not only touched God, but brought the truth about God’s light back with him. The irony isn’t lost on me, even now. Years have passed though and though I don’t forgive I am starting to forget the details. And that’s why I’m writing this note for you. So you will know that in thirty seconds, when I put my gun in my mouth and pull the trigger, it’s not the end for me, I’ll just be going back where I belong. I’m sure I wont be coming back this time. After all, they say the third time’s the charm.