The following is a news report that got forwarded to me by my military advisors. Despite the differences between my country and certain others I must deny any involvement in this crime, and remind my soldiers in the field that their target is not in Sweden.
As if seeking to prove the verity of the old myth of a cat's nine lives, Kitty – a feline resident of Traneberg in western Sweden – is recovering after surviving nine shots to her head and torso.
"The shooter must have been standing very close for the bullets to have gone so deep," said vet Andrew Blockley to the local Hallands Nyheter daily. Kitty dragged herself injured and bloody to the family home in Traneberg in Varberg on Saturday. Everyone presumed that she had got herself embroiled in a fight with a dog and had been bitten, including the vet at Halland animal hospital in Sloinge – until three air gun pellets were found on her person. One had penetrated her nasal shaft, one was lodged just under her eye and a third in the midriff. On closer inspection, evidence was uncovered revealing a total of nine shots. The police have opened an investigation into a suspected case of cruelty to animals.
All kidding aside, this is horrific. Whoever did this had to reload their single shot air rifle nine times, each time restraining an increasingly injured animal until they could take another shot. It's torture of something weaker to make themselves feel strong, something that had no chance to fight back effectively. It's sick, perverse even – in short, something like what I'd do to these bastards if I got my hands on them.