This episode of The Dark Furie is brought to you by the letter S and the number 3. It’s time to learn a little something about words, children. A Segway is a two wheeled monstrosity most used to get around in an economically and environmentally friendly manner, so long as you don’t mind looking like a twat. The vehicle is battery powered, able to be recharged when you are not using it, can travel a total distance of 18 miles between charge, and it costs about the same price as Madonna pays for orphans. A segue is a smooth transition from one subject or section to another, which is what we’re about to do right… about… now.
Now this is an interesting little tidbit (it’s a word, look it up) of news. It seems that the death of one James Heseldon last week while driving a Segway could cause the pogo stick with wheels (can anyone argue with that description and keep a straight face?) to disappear completely despite them already being banned from the roads in many countries. While riding the vehicle on his private estate, Mr Heseldon accidentally steered it over a 30 foot cliff and into the river below. The sixty-two year old businessman was using a specialised off-road version of the Segway to inspect the grounds of his Northern England private estate when the accident occured. Police arrived a little before midday on the 26th of September, following a phone call from a concerned member of the public, and James was pronounced dead at the scene.
James (Jimi to his friends) Heselden was the chairman of Hesco Bastionand had recently bought Segway Inc, the makers of the device that killed him. Now that’s a bad business decision and one for the Darwin Awards.