I Could Be Your Emo Vampire

I could be your emo vampire.
Never even drink your blood.
I’ll look camp like this forever.
Borrowed body glitter from my gay friend Doug.

Oh, I could be your emo vampire.
Pose and pout then say I’m shy.
I look like Skeletor with these cheeks.
I wish that Bella was that He Man guy.

Yeah, I could be your emo vampire.
Say that I’ll never treat you bad,
Then run away when you’re not looking
And sneak into the shower with your dad.

You know, I’m getting bloody sick of going into a book store and not only being confronted by an entire display set aside for Twilight, but another section set aside for emo vampire books. Yeah, we get it already. Sexually repressed women and teenagers just finding their sexuality can’t get enough of the guy who is dangerous enough to look after them yet good enough to never hurt them. It’s not news (guys have known this for hundreds of years and played to the strange fantasies of the feminine side) and it’s not well written; it’s just shameful band wagon hopping. If you want to call yourself authors then try writing a story that doesn’t conveniently fit into a currently popular genre.

What’s the use of ranting eh? Considering the quality of writing in these books the authors probably don’t understand the English language well enough to get the point of this post. Looks like I’ll have to resort to Plan B.


29 thoughts on “I Could Be Your Emo Vampire

  1. Where is Buffy when we need her? Following Season 8, the comic book sequel she is in Scotland, not to far from you. Have they had the memoirs of my favourite vampire, Count Duckula, in the bookstore?

  2. I know. It's sort of sick, isn't it. I mean really sick, like dangerous and evil sick. After all, we are talking undead, bloodsucking immortals here. Kids read the stuff and see the films, sometimes even without their parents. I wonder what mental consequences it really has.As to pastiche literature: it has always been around, but in the new world of intertextual commercialism it grows really big. People make good money on it.

  3. If it's any consolation, a recent study has shown a serious decline in book reading amongst the young, in favour of Facebook. So it may not be a concern for much longer.

  4. Mik didn't want to state the obvious :p When it first came out, everybody was clamoring about "Twilight" So I go buy it. From my book club. Got all the way through it. Resisted the urge to turn it into pre-kindling, brought it to the used book store. From the reaction there, you'd think I had found a torah with notes in the margin from jc. Haven't bothered with the sequels or the 'clones'. There must be a sf book out there I haven't read… Or reread.

  5. I haven't bothered reading the Twilight books, or any of the clones. But I've watched the movies. :left: And I'll probably watch the last ones in the series too. Just because I want to. :yes:

  6. Though you've dragged me into the twilight zone, I still don't know anything about it. I am twilight-zone-blind, like a colour blind.

  7. Well, at least it's nice that they separate the rubbish into its own area so it doesn't pollute the good stuff :DComing soon…Emo Zombie literature :left:Dennis, you've really run out of sf to read? :awww: I'm still trying to find that Larry Niven collection you mentioned to me a couple of years ago :sherlock:

  8. "All The Myriad Ways" Yeah, Mart. That's where "Man of Steel, Woman Of Kleenex" came from. I posted about that a while back. Have you tried e-bay? I suppose I could go to the local used book store, get some Bradberry, Asimov and Anthony… :whistle:

  9. I can find the book in a few places, but nowhere at a reasonable price :awww: Bradbury's a bit weird too often, same as A.E.Van Vogt in that regard. How about Frank Herbert, Doc Smith (his later stuff, which is more cohesive science-wise), John Scalzi, Orson Scott Card, Kim Stanley Robinson? I'm assuming you've read every Asimov and Heinlein there is, maybe even Variable Star and For Us, The Living.

  10. At the moment I am at Samuel Delany's "Nova". I got some books by him, Heinlein, Dick etc. No Asimov, I don't like his books.

  11. Cut yourself some slack, Mik. It is not as much your singing voice, however lovely, as it is the performance. And your hair too.I read Asmiov and Clarke as some of the first real classic science fiction when I was still in school. Then Frank Herbert. I first discovered Heinlein rather late. I actually haven't read any science fiction for quite some time, and I don't know the new names. One thing I do know is, that the Twilight books have nothing to do with science fiction.

  12. A question for Frederik Pruetzel jr. How many boyfriends had Buffy in the show? Four or five as far as I remember, Willow scored with 1 boyfriend and 2 girls, Xander with Cordelia, Anya and a number of desastrous dates with girls who often tended to be demons. And none of them spent to much time about thinking how if ever…

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