Bad Actress

“My character, Maura, had to build to emotional levels beyond most levels that actresses get to experience in hysterics – deep, moving, crying hysterics.”

If you’re a regular reader of this page (and if not, why not?) then you’ll know I have a rather distinctive guilty pleasure. I adore bad movies. Now I’m not talking about your regular bad movies here. I’m talking about the sort of hollywood abortion that is so bad that it’s laughable. You don’t follow the plot because you’re too busy putting words in the character’s mouths or thoughts into their heads to match the actor’s bizarre choice of expression that has no chance of matching the current situation. The sort of film where the editing appears to have been done by throwing the film at a wood chipper then playing what survives in the order you can find it. The sort of film that has had several alternate versions of a scene filmed and then those are cut together into one scene despite the costume changes between takes. Yeah, really bad movies and I love them all.

However, I’ve recently become aware of a driving force in these bad movies. Brooke Lewis – an actress so bad that even I feel pain watching her as she tries desperately to make her FBI agent seem natural while shouting at the victim of the second knife attack in a few months, or scowling at an elderly man who she’s just accused in front of his wife of being a cyberporn addict. Those two both happened in a film called iMurders by the way and, having just watched it, I can only describe it as a shame. The premise of the movie is simple – a group of people who meet up every fortnight online to play a game are being murdered one by one and have to figure out who is committing. The story itself is sound and could have made a good little mystery movie – not a classic of course but the sort that you watch and enjoy then forget about the next day. Unfortunately the producers decided that the story needed to play out like a Point Horror book with too many ancillary plot points distracting from the actual plot, and being the sole reason anyone wouldn’t figure out who the murderer is within three seconds of the movie starting. Yes, you don’t actually see the killer then but it’s pretty obvious anyway. Only by almost constantly switching away to people who have nothing to do with the actual storyline does the movie manage to keep the viewer confused. What’s more, these switches take screen time away from our victims meaning that you don’t know them as well as you could have and, therefore, have no sympathy for them when they die.

So why am I complaining about an actress if the movie itself was so bad? Firstly, she makes the movie ten times worse with her attempt at what I’m sure she calls acting and what I’m equally anyone who has ever seen a movie before calls gurning. Secondly, she was the executive producer of that movie and had at least some control over turning it into something even a bad movie fan like myself couldn’t enjoy. And finally, in every interview I’ve read she seems to think that she’s a truly great actress when her history and lack of talent paint her as a fading scream queen whose very presence in a movie condemns it to the hell of unknown mediocrity – almost like an acting King Midas, but with a touch of that turns everything to crap not gold. Congratulations Brooke Lewis, you’re the worst actress in the entire world.

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58 thoughts on “Bad Actress

  1. Gurning ๐Ÿ™‚ A traditional folk sport from days gone by – nice to see it still practiced by the hollywood greats :up:"deep, moving, crying hysterics." Sounds like my bedroom after the alarm clock goes off on a Monday morning :)I love good bad movies too, but only recently have I been in a position to actually chase them. I do find comedies that aren't actually at all funny somewhat depressing though – unintentional laughs are great, but unintentional not-at-all-funny bits are just…..depressing ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. I`ve stumbled on that one a month ago on some web site that offers watching movies on line. A title made me hesitate a bit but then I saw something else and decided to leave it for future times.Now I know there will be no future time for that one ๐Ÿ˜† :cheers:

  3. I don't like watching bad movies either – there are so many good ones to chose between, that I prefer. Not that I don't ever watch crappy movies. But it's usually not intentional. ๐Ÿ˜€

  4. Not that, that's for sure. Kiran, how can you indulge yourself in a tween's masturbatory fantasy about vampires who don't follow the fucking rules that have existed for millenia?

  5. These people don't understand how it is to live in India. How it is to marry (no dating) within one's own caste, members of which are scattered into far distant corners of India? I bet many Indians are wankers. ๐Ÿ˜†

  6. Rodney writes:Wow. I have to disagree. I saw "IMurders" and thought it was pretty good. My only problem with it was that I expected a slasher film and instead it was more a drama/thriller. As far as Brooke Lewis, I love the lady's films and think she is an actress who is too good for the films she finds herself playing in. Saw her in "Kinky Killers" too and thought her acting was far better than the standard "scream queen" performance we usually see on screen. The norm is to have the scream queen generally running about squealing for help while she is half naked. Brooke Lewis actually is a strong actress who gives a strong female performance in her film roles. I both respect and like that. Man, you took the time to peruse magazines to find her quotes from interviews to use here and such…which surprises me since you say you dislike her performances so much. If I do not like someone, I just write off their future films. I do not go and seek out their many interviews like a fan would. Regardless, I think she is a hot lady whose acting abilities rank up there with those actresses working in the major studio films.

  7. aaaaahahahahahah :lol::lol::lol:aww snap, I hope Brook doesn't read that. :lol:defining this post as "scathing" is putting it lightly. :lol:But she IS beautiful as stated… which means she will be cast more often than most bad actors…. & this will lead to another great post by Furie. ๐Ÿ˜†

  8. Man, you took the time to peruse magazines to find her quotes from interviews to use here and such…which surprises me since you say you dislike her performances so much. If I do not like someone, I just write off their future films. I do not go and seek out their many interviews like a fan would.

    Wow. By that logic, Mik must be Apple's biggest fan. :p ๐Ÿ˜‰

  9. Mr Anonymous said that she is a good actress…. but doesn't really state why he think so. He only said that he liked her in "Kinky Killers" but that's just his opinion… I for one never heard of this actress before this post :left: therefore I can't make any judgments on her skill level. However If I were to judge, I'd at least state WHY she is 'on the level of major studio film actors/actresses'.

  10. Originally posted by anonymous:

    Man, you took the time to peruse magazines to find her quotes from interviews to use here and such…which surprises me since you say you dislike her performances so much.

    I try not to write about something I don't know about so I research before posting. During that research I confirmed that this bint couldn't act to save her life and I stumbled aross the interview I quoted online.Originally posted by anonymous:

    Brooke Lewis actually is a strong actress who gives a strong female performance in her film roles.

    Scowling at people and all but bending over backwards so that your chest is puffed out and no=one might miss your breasts through the t-shirt you're wearing doesn't make a good actress.I'll leave this acting reel for people to decide for themselves –

  11. Crewage1 writes:I came across this blog when I was searching for other information on Brooke Lewis, and have to know why you are hating on her so much you cacker? It almost seems personal, like YOU have wanked off to her photos one too many times and are bitter that you can never get a piece of that. Have you seen any of her other movies or are basing this whole blog on one movie and a few quotes you say you came across? I read her interviews too and she really comes across as someone grateful for the opportunities she has had, and seems like a really nice person – seems like issue is yours dude! iMurders may not be her favorite movie either, I'm sure all actors/actresses have movies they regret. Maybe you should watch a few more of her films – branch out into her comedy and drama work. She is great in films such as Gerald, Sinatra Club, and she even did some good work in a couple of episodes of a Fox sitcom called Quintuplets. And she is a really beautiful, bang-tidy bird and if you think otherwise you are as lame as this blog!

  12. So let me get this straight… If I or anyone else doesn't have the exact same taste in women as you and thinks this woman is anything other than beautiful then they're lame like this currently top-rated blog? If someone is so appalled by bad acting that they have to speak out about it then they've masturbated over the photographs of the actor (rather strange that you would make that counter-intuitive leap unless the thought of masturbating over her photos was already on your mind for some reason) and are bitter that they can't have sex with this woman that you readily admit you were looking for more information on and are so militantly defending with rather bizarre logic? If someone points out something they don't like (like I did with this post and you did with your rebuttal) then they are a "cacker" and are hating on the thing they don't like, no matter how offensive they find that thing that they don't like? Man, you're really going to hate all life when you're a grown up.As for watching more of her movies, did you not read the review? I would not subject myself to that if a million fanboys with sticky palms insinuated that I occasionally go to the toilet and have a crap. ๐Ÿ™„ Is the issue mine? Well, as it's my opinion (amongst millions of others, I'm sure) that she's a crap actress then yes it is my issue for watching the film in the first place, just like it's your issue that you feel the need to defend someone and make excuses for their lack of talents just because you've worn out your previous "information" of her.Have a look at Rodney, the other anonymous poster further up. We may not have agreed but he knew how to make his point without sounding like a child throwing insults in the playground. That earns my respect a little while you've done nothing but confirmed my suspicions of the average intelligence level of this actresses fans (bar Rodney) and told me that I shit. Yeah, really well done with that insult.

  13. ahahaha…I guess some people still have to learn Furie is NOT the man to mess with :lol:Mik… do you get the feeling that the Anonymous poster could ACTUALLY BE Brook Lewis? :eyes:Now that puts a whole new twist on things. :lol:Hey this blog is funny :D… maybe we could make a movie out of it! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ we need a few actors & one good actress…. any ideas? :whistle:

  14. Originally posted by anonymous:

    Maybe you should watch a few more of her films – branch out into her comedy and drama work.

    I'm pretty sure if Mik decided he didn't like rolling fresh dog turds on his face then he's not gonna look around for ones dropped by other animals to see if they're any different, now, is he?Oh, speaking of which … ๐Ÿ˜‰ Happy Birthday, Mik! :hat:

  15. Originally posted by anonymous:

    Crewage1 writes:I … have wanked off to her photos one too many times and … can never get a piece of that. Have you seen any of her other movies? I'm sure all actors/actresses have movies they regret. She did some good work in a couple of Quintuplets … she is a really beautiful, bang-tidy bird!

    :eyes:

  16. Ok, fine. Let's just say I'd kick her out of bed – there's more room on the floor, ๐Ÿ˜€ and with her being such a bad actress, she probably can't fake an orgasm. :left::zip:Calling Mik a "cracker" is just… just… ludicrous! ๐Ÿ˜†

  17. Well in my eyes she's not beautiful, and that's it ๐Ÿ™‚ Beautiful is a word that's thrown about too much. She's attractive, sure….. ๐Ÿ™‚ Beauty is in the eye of the beholder ๐Ÿ˜€

  18. Isn't 'cracker' a US term for a redneck?? (In UK it means a type of Firework ๐Ÿ˜† Which is probably closer to the truth of it). I know the expression 'redneck cracker' but not quite sure now what it's *really* supposed to signify….

  19. Not much, it would appear. :p "cacker" is chav for cracker, according to urban dictionary, and you know Mik has a predeliction for burberry. ๐Ÿ˜†

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