Like, merry Christmas maaaaan. I’m in a German police station right now and, it’s just awesome. This dude couldn’t be bothered… Ooooo, pretty sky. Anyway this dude couldn’t… Hold on.
One Coffee Transplant Later
Hello there my dear readers. How are you today? What, I was here earlier? Yeah, I must’ve been… sleepwalking, that’s it! Have you guys heard about the guy in Koblenz, Germany who wanted to have a very merry Christmas? Rather than getting a Christmas tree he put a six foot marijuana plant in his living room, decorated it with tinsel and lights and put the family presents underneath it (which I assume were tiny boxes containing very small sheets of paper).
When asked by the police officers raiding his home the man claimed he was going to finish decorating it and put all of the presents underneath it “according to tradition”. Police had already discovered 150 grams of weed in his home before they realised the tree was a little different to most Christmas trees.
It seems that this man wasn’t the only one looking for a hashish new year (you read it, you can’t unread it). A man in Munich was arrested the same week for making an advent calendar with marijuana behind each door rather than chocolate. That man has been released after he claimed he had been given the calendar as a present, but the police are still investigating. A present, seriously? Is this guy trying to tell us that Santa is a stoner and just delivering weed to everyone around the world if they’ve been good boys and girls? Yeah, right.
In other news, a shipment of approximately £250,000 worth of marijuana (weighing 110 pounds) was intercepted by police in New Haven, Connecticut. The packages were wrapped in Christmas paper and tied with ribbons and bows. Each had a tag marking the present as “From Santa”. Now that Santa’s shipments have been intercepted it looks like no-one will have a high holiday (these jokes will continue, you have been warned) this year, and groups comprised mainly of over-protective American parents have called for Santa to be banned from chimneys worldwide and severely punished for trying to corrupt the children they’re too busy to keep away from drugs.
As for the kids, well they’re just not the same since Santa’s weed supplies dried up and have taken to rather seasonally huffing nutmeg to get their high. Nutmeg contains Myristicin which is a mild euphric that will induce feelings of happiness as well as anxiety, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, headaches, hallucinations and irrational behaviour. Of course, most people wont see these effects as the spice needs to be imbibed in quite large qunatities to get any effect from it. Over on Youtube you can find quite a few videos of teenagers smoking, drinking and even eating (Wow!!!) nutmeg concoctions in an effort to get high. You’ll also see the pronounced effect the nutmeg supposedly has on them, despite the fact that to get the quantities of Myristicin that one would need to become clinically intoxicated via overdose, one would have to distill nutmeg not pour some in a cigarette paper and smoke it.