Testicles, That Is All

I’m getting a bit of a name for myself on this site for presenting some of the strangest stories on the web in this page. It’s not a conscious thing, these things just show up on my feeds and catch my eye so I do a little research and tell the story in more detail than I first heard it. It’s the chain of information, eternally being filtered down in breadth and having its depth boosted. That’s how I see it anyway. Right, with that out of the way allow me to present…

Gateshead Woman Denies Biting Off Testicles

Having been out with his girlfriend until four in the morning, forty-five year old Martin Douglas ended the night in an ambulance. An argument started when the drunken couple returned home and somehow ended when forty-three year old Maria Topp dropped to her knees, opened the flies of the man she was dating and, in an event that mirrors a nightmare every man has experienced in his fevered dreams, chewed through his ballsack and removed his testicles. The word you’re looking for is “Ouch!!!” or possibly “Bitch!!!” Martin called the emergency services himself and was in so much pain that the operator found it difficult to understand what he was saying, but when the ambulance arrived at his flat the paramedics immediately called for the police.

Maria has since appeared in court and denied the charge of GBH, presumably telling the judge that Martin’s injuries were self inflicted. Of course, as all guys know in their heart of hearts, if it were truly possible for those sorts of injuries to be self-inflicted there would only be women reading this stuff on the internet and if they came to this page they’d find a blank stretch of internet populated only by crickets. Female crickets at that… Hey girls, don’t judge us. Judge the sex-starved teenaged boys we used to be who were so desperate they would probably do that sort of thing. You know, not the men we are now who were never presented with that opportunity are too mature to even think of that.

Anyway, psycho bitch bites off her boyfriends testicles. There’s something you don’t see every day…

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48 thoughts on “Testicles, That Is All

  1. It's the first sign of the zombie epedemic. So, we thought zombies would go after brains… Well, think again, humanity!:yikes:

  2. That is a new definition for 'self inflicted'. :rolleyes:.It's as valid as saying that a woman who dresses like a tart was 'asking for it' when she gets raped. :irked:. (which is to say, it's not valid at all! :mad:)

  3. On the other hand, it would not be the first time a wife bit off and chewed up her husbond's testicles – metaphorically speaking, I mean. Check this out, if you don't know what I am talking about…:awww:

  4. Psychologically not at all hard to do, I imagine, but this *is* extreme, and somewhat counter-productive, I imagine. She'll probably be treated with a certain amount of caution by prospective BFs from here on in.

  5. So, they have an argument, she drops to her knees, opens his pants and all he thinks is "Finally she shuts up…!" 😉

  6. Well, what guy would think, "Gee, she's on her knees, unzipping my fly, let me protect my sack because she might bite my ball sack off".

  7. I think they'd definitely consider wearing a Cricket Box once the dating started to get a little more regular, for sure :)And you know what they say about Tigers – once they've eaten a man….. :eyes:

  8. That's been said, before, Cois. 😀 @ Flarin: occasionally, I'll email Cois things I get as an MMS, but they have to be exceedingly… off plumb. :p and can't be published here. :devil:

  9. Swaer has begged not not to send him any, "off plumb" emails as he already receives more than he can handle. :left:.Now I know who's been sending them. :sherlock::p.

  10. 😆 which reminds me that I haven't sent out my excess recently.. :left: :insane: oh damn.. Kitty will not find that last one amusing 😆

  11. my damn gmail application is down for the moment.. Dang..:left: that one puppy there ain't sick. :left: HE'S RABID! :insane:

  12. Well, at least one of your regulars reportedly had three. Never did hear if he ever got that sorted out. :sherlock:.

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