Bath Salts

I’m about to tell you a story you’ll never forget. A story of insanity that is easily the weirdest thing I’ve ever written about. If you consider that this is the page where I’ve revealed an ancient chinese recipe that is still popular today and a woman who bit off her boyfriends testicles during an argument (and, of course, who could forget Kitty’s secret life?) then you’ll realise this is going to be one hell of a story. It’s such a good story that it’ll be my last one. That’s right folks, I’m quitting writing this page today as there is no way in hell anything will ever manage to match up to this story. It’s been a good few years; I feel I’ve accomplished much more than I set out to with this page and I feel there is more I could do still, but this story is so good that I just have to quit with it. Bye… But not before you read this story. This is true by the way although I’m sure you’ll wonder if I’m making it up as I go along.

This is the story of Mark Thompson, a nineteen year old from Charleston, West Virginia, whose obsession with cleanliness led him down the darkest of routes.

It all started on Monday the 2nd of May when Lisa Powers, a neighbour of Thompson’s, received a call from one of Thompson’s live-in relatives. The name and relationship of the relative has not been released at this time and, as the story goes on, you’ll start to see why. Lisa wasn’t in the house at the time of the call but her nephew answered the phone. The relative then complained to Lisa’s nephew that Lisa’s new pet had somehow gotten into their house and was running loose. The nephew and two other female relatives of Miss Powers (who, with a name like that, we can only assume was saving the world at the time) went over to the Thompson property to retrieve the pet – a newly aquired pygmy goat called Bailey and bought for Miss Powers’ four year old grandson. What they saw there would stay with them for as long as this story will stay with you, and caused them to call the police.

When the police arrived they took statements from everybody, and immediately realised it was going to be one of those days. The nephew and female relatives explained about the phone call and how they had come over to collect their goat. As they arrived on the scene they noticed the door was open and, after calling out and not receiving an answer they went inside to investigate (how this entire family has not seen any horror films in their lives is beyond me). Their impromptu investigation took them to Thompson’s bedroom.
“Don’t come in, I’m naked.” Thompson called out but the women had already opened the door. They found the boy standing over the body of their goat, which was obviously dead, with his pants down. As they tried to question Thompson he fled into the woods. The Powers family then casually mentioned (they probably mentioned it before that but I like to think of them casually adding this in as an afterthought) that Mark Thompson was dressed entirely in women’s clothing.

The police, having checked around for the hidden cameras they no doubt expected to be there after that story, procured a search warrant and investigated the house. There they found that the goat had indeed been murdered in the bedroom. The poor animal, which was wearing a pink collar, had been stabbed in the neck. Next to the corpse of the goat was a pornographic photo torn from a magazine that was no longer on the premises. The state of the animal’s corpse showed that it had been interfered with sexually and that it may have been penetrated post mortem.

Police put out an APB for Mark Thompson and he was soon found hiding in the woods. He was covered in blood and wearing a bra and panties. Thompson said in his statement that he had been high for three days on bath salts. Now I can’t think of a reason why anyone would willingly ingest things you use to make your bath smell nice so one can only assume that he was affected by them in the bath itself as they soaked into his skin. How important is cleanliness to this boy that he’d ever risk having another bath after that? What’s that? You say they’re drugs? But surely the legal high (also known as “Bullshit do these things work but kids are stupid enough to believe anything and will actually act high just to prove they work to themselves”) provided by the bath salts “drug” can’t be anything to do with this case? Whatever the case he’s claiming that it was this intoxicated state provided by the bath salts that made him do it.

Police revealed that the community had complained about Thompson’s antics before, elaborating that many of them had been quite rightly concerned about his mental health, while some had been afraid of him.

Now tell me, are you ever going to forget that story? Good, then I’ll be on my way.

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56 thoughts on “Bath Salts

  1. At least he may have smelled fragrant. Always a good thing when you're cross dressing (I'm guessing). :)Are you really leaving??? <surprised, and not sure if you mean leaving Opera and blogging here no more, or what. Or if it's just a tease, if you see what I mean…>

  2. :eyes: Well, you know how them West Virginia boys are! That was some pretty goat, :love: there in that picture, Mik. *reaches for the hand creme* :left:

  3. I'm sure that one day you'll make someone a very happy woman, Dennis :lol:And…oh right….well, I dedicated a dish of roast potatoes and bacon to him, and farewelled him, in one of Pussy Cat's posts – he has to go now. Sorry and all that. 🙂

  4. 😮 I think Mik is teasing. Where would he go? Surely not to some staid online forum? Who else would have him? :p

  5. Roast potatoes and bacon, yes – I figured that if he *actually* considered leaving, a nice hefty dish of potatoes and salt-laden meat might convince him to stay. Perhaps I should have grated cheese over the top? And onions?

  6. Links to relevant articles added to the start of the article.*joins Dennis in his song*:sing: Take me home, country road to the place where I belong.West Virginia.Originally posted by FlaRin:

    Are you really leaving???

    One day there will be a story so good that I'll never be able to top it. And on that day I'll hang up my thumbs and not write again.Originally posted by H82typ:

    *reaches for the hand creme*

    Girls use cream. Men use sand paper! :norris:Originally posted by H82typ:

    Where would he go? Surely not to some staid online forum? Who else would have him?

    I can name a gaming forum where I'm as popular as I am here, a site where I can publish gaming articles all day long, another which is more mobile oriented, and then there's WordPress which I almost left for before and which has a host of mobile publishing solutions available.Originally posted by FlaRin:

    well, I dedicated a dish of roast potatoes and bacon to him

    Good boy! :love:Originally posted by theoddbod:

    Not weird enough

    You're still drunk after the oddbar last night, I see. How about this?Originally posted by FlaRin:

    Perhaps I should have grated cheese over the top? And onions?

    Cheese, no onions, and neither on roasts.Originally posted by KYren:

    I will miss you.

    I have that effect on girls like yourself. 😉

  7. Recently there was a massive public debate in Denmark about sexual relations between humans and animals. Apparantly, due to a 'hole' in legislation, people who are into this can get away with it, even if turned in. It is simply not possible to prosecute them, unless you can prove that the animal in question has been molested. The good news is, that our parliament actually is reacting on it, and they are issuing better laws within this year.Things like the above happen. And not only in West Virginia.

  8. Bath salts, yeah, sure :rolleyes:I still can`t believe you are leaving. But, ok, life goes on, if this is true, I wish you a lot of luck and maybe we meet somewhere in virtual world again. Take care :cheers:

  9. I know, you all think, I must know something about being a god, but the thing is I am merely a sex god, which doesn't mean I have to be everywhere all the time, I just have to be very much in one place, if you know what I mean…

  10. He's a diety, right. They are supposed to be omnipresent, which pretty much means they can't go anywhere. If you exist in all worlds simultaniously, you have no where to go. Must be a drag.

  11. 😆 You know, I facebooked this story last week (yeah, this time I'm in your head!).The biggest evening paper here managed to come up with the following headline (translated): "American (19) in women's underwear supposedly killed pygmy goat high on bath salt" 😆 :lol:How can you NOT click on that story instead of reading another update on what really went on in Abbottabad?

  12. Originally posted by rose-marie:

    update on what really went on in Abbottabad

    How often do you watch the making of gay porn? :sherlock:

  13. He is probably heavily sedated and perhaps resting in a nice bed with strapped wrists and ankles now. Horizontal crucifixion.

  14. OK : here is a guide of things to do, and restaurants to visit in Abbottabad. I imagine there are few, if any KFCs in town, but looks like you could get a decent feed, and spend a while recovering and burping in a local church while the 'romantic weather' (huh?) pisses down outside :)I shouldn't think anybody remembers Obama Bin Laden anymore, so it'll be safe to go and stroll around town in boardshorts, smoking Camel filterless, whistling at the local chicks and discussing the latest baseketall scores at the top of your voice :up:

  15. I'm still around because, in light of my assertion that I'm leaving when I've done a story that can't be beaten, these showed up on my news feeds.http://m.gawker.com/5727738/how-close-is-too-close-between-mother-and-son/gallery/http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1382273/Foiled-baggy-pants-The-moment-trendy-beer-thief-went-flying-worst-getaway-ever.htmlhttp://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2011/04/28/2011-04-28_virginia_teen_dresses_in_cow_costume_steals_92_worth_of_milk_from_walmart.html#communityhttp://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1379442/British-tourist-Helen-Beard-catches-baby-girl-fell-4th-floor-hotel-balcony.htmlThese are the normal stories that have shown up compared to the eighty or ninety that are slowly being written up. Seems like the world wants to keep me here, although if I'm a good enough boy I may be disappearing later on today.

  16. Originally posted by Mik:

    I'm still around because (…)

    Nonsense! Everybody knows you're around to bother the poor innocent cat! 😡

  17. That daily mail story : it sure wasn't *that* little girl's day to die. <amazed>.Beer thief : *what* a twat! :lol:Milk thief : 😆 That could have been funny :)MILF & son : ummm….that's odd. How do we know they're *really* related?

  18. I am not in any way suggesting that you have failed, Mik, but when this story came up on my subscription roll today, because of new comments, I had actually forgotten about it, and I had to scroll to the post to recall what it was really about. I know, it might just be me, but, bottom line, I did forget the story for a while.

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