Rapturous

Harold Camping hasn’t been seen since Saturday, making some question whether he’d been taken in a Rapture that left them behind. That was all cleared up whe it turned out he’d been left behind too as he appeared on his Open Forum radio show on Monday to give a ninety minute broadcast.

He said that when his prediction had failed to materialise he felt so terrible that he took refuge in a motel with his wife. Personally I believe he took refuge with a male hooker and made his long suffering beard wife watch them fornicate, and my predictions have obviously been proven to be more accurate than his. He said sorry for not having the dates “worked out as accurately as I could have” even though he previously said this:
“It’s going to happen. It’s going to happen. I don’t even think about those kind of issues. The Bible is not — God is not playing games. I don’t even want to think about that question at all. It is going to happen.”

Harold went on to claim that over the weekend he had returned to the scripture and it had “dawned” on him that a “merciful and compassionate God” would spare humanity by compressing the apocalyptic destruction into a shorter time frame. He then pulled 21st of October out of the ass of Eduardo, his gay lover, as the date he claimed had always been the end-point of the apocalypse. This new date makes one wonder if he thought God was “a bit of a dick” back in 1994 when he said the Rapture would start then, especially as he’s always known the apocalypse will end in 2011, leaving some people for seventeen years alone in the world.

Asked if he had any advice to offer those who had given away their material wealth in the belief the world was about to end, Dodgy Harry said they’d cope and kept peddling God, three on the dollar.
We just had a great recession. There’s lots of people who lost their jobs, lots of people who lost their houses… and somehow they all survived.” he said. “We’re not in the business of giving any financial advice, we’re in the business of telling people maybe there is someone you can talk to, and that’s God.

Well done Harry, if you spent more time actually reading the Bible and less time talking out of the arse of Eduardo then there’d be a lot of people with less reason to pray right now. I name you deceiver, prince of lies, destructor of human happiness. May your tainted hooves never affect another human life. Get thee behind me!!!

Hey, keep it in Eduardo, buddy.

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20 thoughts on “Rapturous

  1. These fakes really show up the general fundamentalists for what they *all* are – they're *all* cheats, liars, fornicators and money grabbing, conscience-free weasels, just like this little tosser. He should be in jail. Self righteous little shit.

  2. Yup. And he completely dismisses the vast number of lives he's ruined. Sure, those people who gave away their money were stupid enough to be hookwinked, but that's what snake oil salesmen like Camping do … take advantage of the feeble-minded.I'd be surprised if he ever saw the inside of a courtroom, though.

  3. Maybe he's just crazy. There's a lot of it going around. We keep being told that we need to stop producing carbon gases, and we make token changes and keeping on living as we always have. We're crazy.

  4. 😆 As a vegetarian, I presumably have four stomachs. You don't want to share a tram with me. :right:

  5. whenever people start talking about rapture, I end up thinking about the Wraith from the Stargate Atlantis series! :insane:.

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