Friday, May 27th – 15:00
Just returned from the dentist after getting a tooth removed. It turns out the bad tooth is a different one than expected and has been affecting all those around it, decaying them. The two teeth I’ve had extracted in the past 12 months are due to that one. I was offered the choice to have it removed there and then but declined. It may sound insane but this is a new dentist and I’m majorly phobic. My reasoning was that I’d had such a good experience with my first treatment at this dentist that it would help me control my phobia in other visits and I didn’t want to risk that tooth setting me back from the progress I’d made that day. I’ll go back in a couple of weeks and get it taken care of.
For the moment I’ve decided that my teeth and wallet are likely to experience less problems if I quit smoking so I had what I hope to be my last cigarette shortly before going into the dentists. This shall be my journal of my attempt to quit. I won’t be editing it afterwards to look better, simply getting my thought and body processes down for others to compare to. Hopefully I’ll be able to quit or I’ll feel a right numpty posting this. Either way it’ll act as a nice distraction to cravings.
Kim just went for a cigarette in the kitchen to help support my attempt to quit. When she said what she’s doing I half expected to want to join her and was surprised that I didn’t. My willpower is obviously stronger than my self image at the moment. Seeing the rotten remains of your teeth will do that to you. The real tests will likely come later on.
Mmm, trifle. I have to avoid hot food today due to the extraction so we prepared a few nice things in advance. Clever eh? The thing about trifle is that it invariably tastes better than it looks. I’m off to watch some DVDs now. Back later.
The feeling in my face is coming back. I’ve been worried about that. No pain or discomfort so far. Just had a conversation with Kim about mind-altering drugs that decrease sex drives. We’ve decided to manufacture some as a hand cream and market it at teenaged boys as an experiment. Oh yeah, we’re bad.
I want to smoke. I’ve been very aware of my hands without smoking and haven’t a clue what to do with them. To save my eyesight I decided to cut them off. Still figuring out how I’ll manage to get them both off. It doesn’t help that everyone on the program I’m watching is smoking and enjoying it. Bastards.
Would I suit a pipe? I’m starting to think so. Maybe I should buy myself a bubble blowing pipe and really piss myself off?
Saturday, May 28th – 00:54
The cravings come and go. No, cravings is the wrong word – it’s mostly me wanting to do something with my hands. I’ve twiddled my thumbs, made a small mountain of sandwiches, and spent time typing this. It doesn’t help that the one thing I keep going to do to keep my hands busy is to roll some cigarettes. It’s my natural go to. I keep finding myself reasoning that one smoke before bed will help me through, but I know that’s bullshit my vice is making up to hold on for that bit longer. I’m going to try for an early night now and timeskip some extra hours on my achievement.
Didn’t sleep long or well at all. I’ve woken up three times since I went to bed and been alternately too hot and too cold. Just had breakfast and it felt really weird not to have a morning smoke with it. I’d kill for a smoke right about now but I’m not going to let myself have one.
I went back to bed about half past five and I’m just up again. Feel a lot better now and even had a coffee without thinking about smoking. Then I realised I hadn’t and got a bit weirded out by that. Coffee and cigarettes usually go so well together. The dentist seems to have done an amazing job on my extraction, as I still haven’t felt any pain from that area yet.
Cooking a nice pie and chips dinner. A gravy dinner is usually finished off with a smoke so that’ll be a challenge.
I’ve officially been 24 hours without a cigarette. It’s been a bit harder than I remember it being when I quit years ago but the knowledge that I’ve come this far is what I need to see me through further. I’m not actually quitting for a specific reason like health or money, but because I’m sick of all the hassle involved with smoking these days. The gross out tactics they use to make you quit are horrible and it’s such a hassle to find packs that don’t contain neck tumours and the like. You have to wonder why alcohol or fast food doesn’t have these sorts of “health warnings” on them as they’re both a damn sight more dangerous than smoking and just as addictive.
It’s such a hassle trying to either find packs without those gross out pictures or cut them off before using them. On top of that the images themselves upset me to the point that I’d be smoking more often, diminishing their supposed effect. So I’m actually quitting because I don’t like the companies playing silly buggers with my mind like that. I’m a mature individual and able to make the choice to smoke or not without the help of those who would turn such opportunities into their own profit. Right now I choose not to, and not to allow anyone to profit from my quitting either… Except maybe KFC later in the week…
Things have been a lot easier since I passed the 24 hour mark. A couple more hours and I’ll be halfway through the first three days. They say that’s as hard as it gets when you quit, but I remember it differently. Of course, it’s been years since I quit last time so things will probably be different this time anyway.
Sunday, May 29th – 10:30
I was up until 3:00 this morning, just lying there unable to sleep. When I finally dropped off it wasn’t for long and I found myself awake at 4:30. My first thought is to have a smoke but I remember myself and put it out of my head. It all seems to be this way, not so much cravings as habit I’m having to deal with. I get a bottle of water and head back to bed, eventually dropping off again despite the noisy buggers coming home and shouting at the top of their lungs on the way.
Been awake about twenty minutes now and finally gotten out of bed. I’m having a scalding black coffee and some croissants for breakfast. Yum.
I find myself wondering if Kim actually believes I’m managing to quit, or if she thinks I’m sneaking smokes when she’s not awake or something. Too many television programs have run that storyline so I can’t help but think my own actions are being called into question. Paranoid. me?
Two whole days. I’m two thirds of the way to the big three day mark that seems to be magical for most people. By the end of the third day this should be pretty much out of my system and my body should get even better. Oh yeah, I’m hot. 😉
Nothing really going on today. I did announce I’m going for a smoke when I was after a coffee, but that’s a slip of the tongue more than anything else. Haven’t really wanted to smoke all day. I have had a couple of flashes where I’ve been doing things I usually smoke with and I’ve reached for a cigarette. I wouldn’t even have noticed if I’d been able to smoke, and would likely have smoked without noticing for a while. Thankfully we cleaned the living room of all the tobacco first so the habit didn’t take hold and I noticed what I was doing when I couldn’t find it.
Sunday, May 30th – 7:00
I went to bed at three and I’ve already been up for a while. If there’s one thing being affected by this bid to quit then it’s the amount I sleep. It could just be bad timing or anything else affecting my sleep but I find myself waking after barely an hour of sleep and then lying there unable to get back to sleep. Whether it’s a result of quitting or simply another hardship, it’s starting to annoy me now.
Had my breakfast hours ago and I’m starting to get hungry again now. I spent the morning checking out my Daily Briefing, a newspaper I put together. It’s basically a collection of news feeds arranged in a particular manner as a broadsheet, with each feed taking a certain amount of space on the main page and stories being replaced as they update. I even set up a page of cartoons with it.
It’s a bit impractical at the moment and very prone to breaking but I’m enjoying messing around with it. That’s been my project while I’ve been quitting, helping me to take my mind off things when I’m not writing this little journal post or eating passing fairytale characters who are lost in my woods.
And that makes three days. The nicotine should be out of my system now so there’s just the habit to kick now. Shouldn’t be too hard now that the chemical dependency has been dealt with. Pat on the back for me, followed by a swift realisation of just how much money I’m going to be saving now (Oh yes!!!), and then on to helping Kim with her wish to quit (we decided that both doing it together wouldn’t be the best of ideas).