The bizarre contraption you’re about see isn’t an egg whisk or the motor from a small yacht. No, this is Lawson’s device to help out the women of his age, with two slight problems – Lawson blatantly hated women and he had absolutely no idea how the human body works. Without further ado let me introduce you to the Lawson Vaginal Washer.
Found yourself without a recognisable vagina to clean after the very first use?
Lawson’s device doubles as a handy egg whisk to aid cake-making, making this the must-have device for the Victorian woman on the go.
Simply insert this and turn the handle for an unprecedented cleaning experience as the tanned leather blades spin around inside you, removing all that unsightly dirt and excess flesh. There’s a nozzle on the back where bottles of “cleaning chemicals” (we presume they mean soap but, considering the quite terrifying device that uses them, this could have been molecular acid for all we know) can be attached, and each device came with details of what the church would do to any woman who tried to show anyone the damage caused by this device (it involved flames, rather predictably).
So then ladies, anyone got that not so fresh feeling?