How To Fight The Upcoming Rapture

And yea did the lunatic sayeth unto the world “Thou shalt be raptured like there’s no tomorrow, for there shall not be one.” And the lunatic did chooseth a date in the two thousandth and eleventh year, the fifth month and the twenty-first day of that month for the end of humanity.

Many of the lunatic’s followers, attempting to be closer to a God they don’t truly understand and trusting in the lunatic, did give away all of their worldly goods. Some of them tried to buy their way into heaven this way, assuming that ten dollars given to a homeless man makes up for all the times they’ve pretended to have no change-eth. :left: Others did give things away for they were true of heart and weak of mind, believing that the word of the lunatic guaranteed them a place in paradise. Verily (anyone that claims to know what this word means is lying, but it looks good at the start of sentences when speaking all olde world) were these people disappointed when the world continued to run. They turned to the lunatic and asked “Whateth noweth?” of him. “Howeth”, they asked, “are we to live our lives now that we’ve given everything away and the world didn’t end.” But the lunatic was nowhere to be found, having gone into hiding. And, despite this man causing human suffering on such a great level, the world rolled on, unaware that Cthulhu was waiting in the shadows for his time to rise.

We last saw Camping after his latest failed prediction of the Rapture, and it seems that the deities of at least one major religion are getting sick of him fucking with their people’s lives. In June he suffered a stroke but this bolt from the blue has done little to convince him that he’s ruining people’s lives. He still claims that October 21st is the official date of the Rapture and still feels nothing for all those whose lives were ruined by his own bullshit revelations. However, he’s now changed his prediction from the Rapture to the Apocalypse. The world will simply end he says, with no big bangs or struggles. No-one will be left behind due to rebelling against God and no pain will be suffered by anyone.

As nice as he’s trying to sound about it all of a sudden, he’s still talking about the end of the world. The man is clearly a super villain and needs to be stopped. And if there’s one person qualified to stop a super villain, it’s a super hero. Luckily, October 21st sees the release of Batman: Arkham City on consoles in Europe.

This long time hero will fight off the henchmen of Rapture Man and lock him away safely in Arkham Asylum. The world will be safe again and citizens can go about their lives. I’m sure at some point Rapture Man will trap Batman in some inescapable death trap and laugh as he inevitably dies, but Bats will escape at the last minute and kick his ass just like he did in all of his adventures on Sunday mornings in my childhood.

There are a lot of things in this world that will take everything you give and just ask for more if you’re willing to believe in them, but Batman isn’t one of them. In short, if you’re going to believe in anything in this world, you could do a hell of a lot worse than Adam West! ๐Ÿ˜‰

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47 thoughts on “How To Fight The Upcoming Rapture

  1. I just borrowed Arkham Asylum from my step-son. He has, of course, ordered Arkham City and told me to play the first one through before Saturday, so that I would be able to follow him through the new game in the weekend. As if it would be possible for me to complete any game, let alone this particular one, in a week.So, I'm counting on Cthulhu, so I have an excuse for not having done what he ordered me to.

  2. Old Harold is apparently not accepting donations this time 'round; he must still have enough left over from the last rapture to do him from now until the end of the … er …The last rapture, according to the Venerable Harold, turned out to be 'spiritual', apparently because he 'misinterpreted' the bible. See, he was looking at it all in very physical terms, when it turns out it's actually 'a very spiritual book'. Which is why he then went on to completely contradict that by saying the spiritual rapture was heralded by 'all the earthquakes'.What really happened was that Jesus came to Earth and judged the non-believers … 'with fear!' Oh, that wacky Jesus. Seems Earth is now one of those carnival thrill rides (as if the place wasn't scary enough)! Step right up … It would've been nice if I'd had some input into the process, though … maybe actually seen Jesus going about his business, or something. If it helped my chances any I could've explained the 'apple juice incident!' But there you go …

    โ€œWhat really happened this past May 21st? What really happened is that God accomplished exactly what He wanted to happen. That was to warn the whole world that on May 21 Godโ€™s salvation program would be finished on that day. For the next five months, except for the elect (the true believers), the whole world is under Godโ€™s final judgmentโ€.

    So the 'True Believers' are safe. Good on you, Marvel Comics fans! :up:I have to wonder if – in addition to being a but of a nut – ol' Harold is actually suffering from a bit of dementia? Making a prediction of rapture/apocalypse … forgetting about it for a while … making a prediction of rapture/apocalypse … forgetting about it for a while …God, I hope Batman can save us!

  3. Originally posted by qlue:

    He chose a friday after reading a Muslim book.

    Don't bring religion into the Apocalypse please. :p It was obviously after watching a Jason Voorhees film.
    Originally posted by Aqualion:

    I just borrowed Arkham Asylum from my step-son.

    Very good game and well worth giving up everything else for about twenty hours. There's a hell of a lot to that game, not least the fact that the developers actually understand what makes Batman an interesting character. Of course, putting him on the streets of Gotham is how you see the rest of the character, but that'll come Friday.
    Originally posted by Spaggyj:

    I'm Dark Jesus! *hums Batman Tune*

    :sing: Na-na na-na na-na na-na na Jee Zus!Or did you mean this piece of thematic genius?Originally posted by d4rkn1ght:

    I can picture Batman fighting Rapture Man in Adam West/Batman style! POW!!

    Don't you mean ?Originally posted by garlingmatthews:

    Any-one still listening to him really needs a cell there too.

    But then the world may start to be short of padding and the price of padding will go through the roof. :yikes:Originally posted by Zaphira:

    Originally posted by d4rkn1ght:

    ZAP!!

    Yes?

    Ah Catwoman, we meet again…
    Originally posted by clean:

    God, I hope Batman can save us!

    You and me both. Don't you feel a little icky after typing the sort of things this guy believes in? I had to change to Batman halfway through the post just to keep going. Even mighty Cthulhu couldn't keep him interesting.

  4. Originally posted by Furie:

    Or did you mean this piece of thematic genius?

    Always a favourite. I quite like this one, too …Originally posted by Furie:

    Don't you feel a little icky after typing the sort of things this guy believes in? I had to change to Batman halfway through the post just to keep going.

    I had my special Batman undies to protect me. I can type anything with the Dark Knight covering my ass. ๐Ÿ˜†

  5. Be careful stealing from him. Surely your son must have considered the dead parents route to superheroism by now? ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

  6. I believe I have mentioned this before, but warnings can never be repeated often enough: by the release of the first (proper) Batman movie of modern times, Tim Burton's 1989 version, I gave my son an original Batman baseball cap with the traditional black/yellow logo. A few years later, I stole it from him to keep it safe. Only two years ago, he stole it back. I am currently contemplating retributional actions.Warning is this: always be particular about family possessions or face the ordeal of decades of family disputes.Back to subject.

  7. He is already there, actually, my son. He has almost finished the teacher education and plays music on the side. He laughed about the expression on some of his pupil's faces first time they witnessed him perform with his band. They might be used to teachers playing the guitar, singing nursery rimes, but a teacher playing up-front punk inspired electro-rock is not something they see every day. He gained much respect after that. Talking about having two identities.

  8. I'm just out of a long interview with the raging insanity that is Harold Camping nee Steptoe, and I come bearing good news. While Harold hasn't changed the date that he believes the world will end on, he has given me exclusive details about how it will end. As I had taken a police sketch artist along with me I now have an image of the end of the world and proof positive that it wont occur until the year 3,000.

  9. Aha! Well then I have proof that Camping is wrong once again.See… the "Batman Live" show is coming to Oslo sometime in November!

  10. :left::right: Everyone still here on this chunk or rock hurtling through space? Who'd have guessed the rapture would be true? ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

  11. Surely even Camping realises that he's misunderstood the scriptures by now. :doh: .Do ya think anyone will believe anything he 'predicts' now? :sherlock: .Sadly, he probably still has a few devout followers. ๐Ÿ™„ .

  12. Wonder what his excuse is this time for it not happening? "It did happen, but it will take a thousand years to take effect?" You can have that one for free, Harold …

  13. So, I've been playing Batman: Arkham Asylum the last couple of days and since this afternoon the sequel. With my step-son, as mentioned. It so reminds me of some of the early Batman games, like the Amstrad/Spectrum version from '86 or the Atari version from '89, even the thugs are the same with Lucha Libre masks and all. I love it. It's great.And Mark Hamill as the voice of The Joker… Well, my first reaction was WTF, but he actually does a very convincing Joker. And, after all, Lando Calrissian was Harvey Dent in Tim Burton's Batman (1989)…PS: Is it me or is Harley Quinn slightly hotter in her Arkham City incarnation?

  14. Mark Hamill's been voicing the Joker for years. His Prankster was the only good thing about The Flash T.V. series. He's a good actor.

  15. Her single-mindedness is refreshingly predictible. Her overruling purpose in life is to protect Mr. J at all costs and this combined with her lack of intellectual powers (and obvious insanity) makes her a reliable and steady remedy for The Laughing Man's fancies. There has been speculations over the years about The Joker's state of mind, whether he is in fact insane or if his behaviour is a conscious choice, a sort of philosophical field experiment. His Dark Knight incarnation supports this notion, adding more mystery to his true identity and background. There are those who claim that Harley Quinn is to be viewed as Joker's female counterpart. I fail to see that. She is merely a troubled teenager who is impersonating her idol/father figure.@GavI actually didn't know about Mark Hamill's Joker until I noticed it in the credit roll of Batman: Arkham Asylum. The Batman animated series we get in Denmark are all dubbed by Danish actors (and they actually do it very well), so who's the original voice of who in those, I wouldn't know.

  16. Originally posted by garlingmatthews:

    He's a good actor.

    Forever cursed to be known as "Luke" due to possibly the worst thing he's done.Originally posted by Aqualion:

    he actually does a very convincing Joker

    He's spot on for that incarnation. "Hey Bats, go easy on 'em, eh?" is one of my favourite Joker lines ever.Originally posted by Aqualion:

    Is it me or is Harley Quinn slightly hotter in her Arkham City incarnation?

    I find Harley adorable, kind of like a kid you want to pinch the cheek of when they've done something cute. Her whole gangster's moll thing combined with how ineffectual she actually is without the threat of Mr J. behind her. :awww:

  17. Slipstream? :left:Right, that's why I stopped watching them when I moved here. The Swedish version is kinda lame.

  18. You lost me for a second there Clint. Forgot this was about the Rapture. :lol:If you want to see something truly disturbing about Harley, check out the room in the Steel Mill where you first find Joker. Look around the area that her Arkham Asylum uniform is while in first person view.As for Mr J (the basic version shown here), I'd say he was born with an unusual clarity of mind. He knows what he wants and how best to get it and has fun along the way. He knows damn well that he's going to be called insane for the way he does things as others don't operate on his level so he has fun playing with people's expectations, mimicking different insanities and conditions and playing doctors opinions off each other. I'd wager this version knows who Bats is but isn't willing to spoil the game by having proof about it, so restrains people who want to unmask him. He needs the Batman to have as much fun as he does as this is someone who actually plays on his level but restrains himself with rules and lines he wont cross.One thing I find interesting in the thug banter in Arkham City is just how much Joker's thugs respect him and even find him funny. You don't get that sort of thing by being truly insane, but you can by being truly evil.

  19. Joker needs Batman. That's the core of their relationship. They are contra-dynamics whose continuus conflict secures balance. Basic dualismus. Joker's just all over the place while The Bat has his own creed, being bound by ethical dogma. An unstoppable force meeting an immovable object.

  20. Originally posted by Aqualion:

    Joker needs Batman. That's the core of their relationship. They are contra-dynamics whose continuus conflict secures balance. Basic dualismus. Joker's just all over the place while The Bat has his own creed, being bound by ethical dogma. An unstoppable force meeting an immovable object

    YES!!

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