Reece’s Piece And The Flu Resistant Sorry

Andrew Toothman, 22, was arrested after he broke into the Food World IGA in Neon, Kansas early Tuesday morning. But Andrew was no mere thief, as no money was missing from the cash registers and he hadn’t tried to pocket any of the expensive items in the shop. Indeed, Andrew didn’t have any pockets to fill at all.

Police who arrived at the scene were at first confused as they seemed to have stumbled upon a burglar with a heart. A single bottle of Nyquil cold remedy had been opened and the word “Sorry” had been daubed on the floor near the door in the liquid. Officers were then disgusted as they found a trail of what appeared to be faecal matter leading through the store. They followed the trail which lead to the manager’s office where Andrew was found, stark naked except for a pair of black boots and with peanut butter and melted chocolate smeared all over his body. This makeshift Reeces concoction had been what made up the trail in the first place.

Andrew was taken into custody and a further examination of the store was carried out by police. The front door had been broken through, and several fire extinguishers had been let off in the store in addition to the use of the Nyquil and the peanut butter and chocolate used. The current theory is that Andrew, who is being held on $25,000 bail pending a court appearance, broke in while drunk, felt some remorse and then gave into a long held desire to be a human M&M. He is being charged with burglary in the third degree, criminal mischief and two counts of indecent exposure.

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34 thoughts on “Reece’s Piece And The Flu Resistant Sorry

  1. I have done some really weird and inappropriate things while being drunk, and during my numerous stays at different rehab institutions, I have heard stories that defies what is normally considered reality, but this example tops in one particular area: idiocy. Yeah, drink won't higher your intellectual faculties, but honestly… In fact I have only one further comment, and sorry for using caps:TSK TSK TSK

  2. I'd love to hear the suspect's explanation though. :sherlock: .This is almost as stupid as that idiot who let a Westville prisoner go for only ZAR10000 last week. 🙄 .

  3. The good thing being that drunk is that you very likely don't remember any of it. So, I can also say I have never been that drunk :drunk:

  4. Ok, I'll amend what I've said: I have never even heard tell of me being that drunk, and I've heard all the stories… :whistle:

  5. Though my assprint has been on many bar stools, and though I have slept it out in the back of many a shady place, even spent a few nights in custody, sleeping it out under detention of Law Enforcement. I even fell in piss cold water one September night and woke up four days later after three days under intensive care, having been literaly stone cold dead. However, I don't recall to have ever caused any big embarrassment, like the above mentioned.

  6. The picture you posted has a "copyright Litcher County Jail"I think the County posted the wrong picture: "Andrew was found, stark naked except for a pair of black boots and with peanut butter and melted chocolate smeared all over his body." And who got the job of cleaning him up for the mug shot? :faint:

  7. Originally posted by shigen:

    LAWL Innit EVERYONE'S secret dream?? 😛

    "I am laughing. Isn't it everyone's secret dream?"There, fixed it for you birthday girl. How old are you today anyway?

  8. If the police hadn't caught him, he could've escaped the indecent exposure charges. After all, if nobody was there to see him, he wouldn't have exposed himself to anyone. If a willy swings in the breeze and nobody's around the see it, does it make a misdemeanor?

  9. Originally posted by clean:

    If a willy swings in the breeze and nobody's around the see it, does it make a misdemeanor?

    No. Still a damn shame, though. Waste of proper showmanship.

  10. Originally posted by Aqualion:

    Waste of proper showmanship.

    It's sad, really. If somebody has certain talents but lacks a suitable scene or media – that's just a damn shame. Like being nude in the dark… What's the point? If you want to show what you got, it's a bummer if the lights go out…

  11. As master Kenobi used to say: 'Be mindful of your immediate environment when passing wind'. He never mentioned being nude in the dark while passing wind, though, but then again, that's common knowledge.

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