Kristen Stewart Is A Miserable Cunt

At least that is what she claims in an interview with Now magazine (linked in case the miserable cunt decides she is going to sue). She says it’s all about how she needs to be doing something, which I take to mean “sleeping with a director” because she sure as hell hasn’t learned to act yet. Still, it doesn’t really matter if she ever does. People won’t hire her based on her acting skills, they’ll hire her because Twilight made her a hot topic that will sell their films to tweens more easily than another actress of more pronounced acting talents. She’s fashionable to cast for such a miserable cunt.

A similar thing happened in the world of writing recently. Fifty Shades of Grey had an unprecedented level of success (click here to read my take on that) which I’ve already spoken about and will speak of no more on the off chance that I accidentally cause another misguided person to buy such a book. Fresh off that success a lot of other novels started cashing in on the burgeoning popularity of erotic fiction. What people would turn their noses up at in magazines or on the web had suddenly become popular in a more respected format – the novel. It became fashionable (much as it is now to cast miserable and talentless cunts) to package menopausal masturbatory material in a business-like cover and make thousands from it. In fact, it became so fashionable that regular authors with well written and non-pornographic material found it hard to crack the top ten best sellers list in any country.

Enter Brian Bushwood and Justin Robert Young, internet comedians better known for their NSFW webshow. They saw the predicament that the literary world had one-handedly page-flipped itself into and saw an opportunity to make a point and a profit. A call went out over their web series for the worst examples of erotic fiction the internet could come up with. The plot didn’t have to make sense, the spelling and grammar could be all over the place and the writing talent could be non-existant, so long as there was plenty of steamy sex on every page. The internet responded and, after editing the very worst scenes and chapters together and renaming all characters so they were the same people, a single erotic fiction novel was created.

The finished novel was named The Diamond Club, given a professional looking cover along the lines of the Fifty Shades series and was released on Amazon and iBooks at a price of 99p. Despite receiving overwhelming amounts of one star reviews the book shot up the charts and was soon the number four best seller on the iTunes chart. The “authors” have gained well over twenty thousand pounds in profit from the book and have pledged to use the money to throw a party for their fans at DragonCon, the worlds largest fantasy and sci-fi convention. As for the book, well it’s still selling. Despite the bad reviews there are some who love it. This is from one of the five star reviews on Amazon.

Really stimulating! Sex scenes are great, and it’s such a great format. Reads like a personal diary, so you really get close to Brianna as a character.

It’s almost as if the fact that it cracked the top ten sellers managed to influence people into thinking it was well written when it clearly isn’t; as if being the fashionable thing somehow overrode the taste and common sense of people. Just like when people go to movies because Kristen Stewart is in them.

This isn’t the first time such a literary prank has been pulled. In the mid sixties a group of award winning authors predicted the end of great American literature. To prove their point, twenty-four of them (which seems like overkill to me) got together to write an intentionally terrible book but with lots of sex in it to prove that the American consumer preferred mindless vulgarity to literary triumph, and also to show how easily such a book could be written. The book was Naked Comes The Stranger and went on to be a best seller in 1969, when it was released. The book was such a success that a movie was made of it in 1975 and the authors were approached to write a sequel.

The miserable cunts declined.

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11 thoughts on “Kristen Stewart Is A Miserable Cunt

  1. It was proved long time ago that, when you see what your target group is, all you need to do to sell your product is to find their basic instincts. In marketing, they say that commercials involving babies (such as commercials for baby cosmetics, for instance) are the most successful because they “hit” on basic human instinct for protecting the kids and, widely, propagation of the species.
    Commercials involving sex are number 2 on that list. This is why provocative subjects are the top selling in newspapers (mostly yellowish)

    • An age old truth there from the both of you. If you want to make money, sex sells, whether it is actual sex, the promise of sex or simply the idea of a different sex to that which you may have experienced at any point. More than one manuscript, originally ignored due to spelling errors and the authors obsession with spanking girls who are little more than animated sex dolls, has been published in the wake of this becoming fashionable all of a sudden.

      The thing that I always smile about is that these “me too” novels are never remembered. How many kids do you think solved crimes in the olden day novels, yet the Famous Five and Secret Seven are pretty much all that is remembered. How many vampire romance novels have there been, yet Twilight and True Blood are the ones that will be remembered for their advancement into other media. When this craze is over and the next one hits, no-one will remember the other books, but they will remember Fifty Shades Of Grey and how badly written it was.

  2. I saw a very amusing picture in a local newspaper the other day. Several copies of E. L. James’ bestsmeller tossed among a lot of other useless stuff in one of those cardboard boxes with extremely cheap things you find at the entrance of the supermarket. Seems that kind of ‘literature’ doesn’t really comply with the Danish audience.

    • The Brits are all over it. Despite the fact it contains the same sort of content as the average “Dear Penthouse” letter, they put it everywhere. Point of sale has it in amongst the books, on its own stand at the front of shops and in amongst the candy at the cashiers in supermarkets. This is just one store trying to push the book so much. Some are even worse.

      Bookshops are the ones that break my heart though. They set up specialist sections for the things that are popular at the moment. I’ve read a series about a vampire hunter since the 90s (I was initially attracted as she had the same sort of education as I did and it intrigued me to see it in action in a world where these things exist) and couldn’t find the latest book in the series when it came out a couple of years ago. I was directed to the “Supernatural Romance section” which is full of books “like Twilight” when that was popular. My own series of choice hadn’t reached those heights as it was more about murders than romance, but they’d lumped it in there as the female main character and supernatural aspects left them with only one idea of where to put it.

  3. I never even knew she referred to herself as a cunt but the bitch needs to stay away from the Carolinas. She is saying Military families are simple. Like we don’t know shit and I have been dealing with life for a long time before her sad mama ever pushed her ugly baby out.

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