Not So Silent Night

The preparation is finally over and I’m exhausted. Seriously, I’m sitting here with a glass of whisky on one side and my tongue lolling out of my mouth on the other. Hmmm, the two may be connected now that I think about it…

Early on this year, Kim and I decided that we weren’t going to do Christmas for each other as we could save a little money and go into the next year better off. We decided we’d do extra on birthdays instead. Except someone cheated and bought me an extra present and now I feel like a little like a monster for not thinking of that myself. So yeah, bitch is being nice to me ’cause she knows it’ll make me feel bad. Ha, love ya really babe.

Today was gift swapping day with her family and it was exhausting. It all went about as well as expected. The skies opened and rain poured down on us. Even the place I was going to go for takeout was closed as all the students have buggered off home. Well, most of them have. There will still be those first or second years who think they’ll cook for their household, end up with half the people they expected and a still frozen turkey.

You know, I’ve never been one for turkey at Christmas. I do like a good chicken though and that’s something Kim and I both excel at. Put us in a room against your grandmothers and we’ll be the ones making the best roast chicken. Don’t worry though. We’ll teach your grandmothers while we’re there.

Oh, for those of you who are still wanting to get me something for Christmas, a bottle of this would be lovely.


52 thoughts on “Not So Silent Night

    • I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to play The Race Card! Yep, I had one specially made for occasions like this. Isn’t the hologram effect funky.

      As your missus is from a different country and I have the intellect of someone playing The Race Card for the duration of this comment, it is obvious that she has never seen a chicken before coming here. That means she doesn’t have the foreknowledge or experience that Kim or I have and probably cooks it by hitting it with a rock and a stick while chanting to her heathen gods. Ah, there’s nothing quite like racism to make a Christmas feel British.

      • One thing I couldn’t believe when over there was just how tiny their chickens are :eyes: Barely three nuggets’ worth.

        But she says she’s going to kick your ass for that comment. Obviously it’s cooked with a rock and a stick WHILE wearing the official crudely-painted wooden mask and chanting ๐Ÿ™„ Us Brits are so insular :awww:

          • Yeesh! Talk about a gap in the Hallmark market.

            It came up “rave card” originally and I changed it. I remember thinking it’s a good job it didn’t come up as “rape card” and must have typed it as I fixed “rave”.

          • I can’t even find a “Congratulations on your new lesbian lover, but don’t go thinking it’s love again just because she lets you into her pants” card and, as the only straight in the village, I’ve needed that more times than specific numbered birthday cards.

    • *puts down The Race Card*
      Also, we’ve seen your wife. She’s tiny and we’ve both been mistaken for a planet before. That’s strike two.

      Give her our love for Christmas, by the way.

      • Nice card. Is that part of the Sources Of Grievance set? I’m a bit behind with my Panini stickers.

        Less tiny-ness here since the recipe for the perfect roast chicken dinner was discovered :-p

        • Ah, I think we may have stumbled across the same recipe, as my moobs can only be described as splendiferous now. Was yours found after a blood sacrifice in a place that can never be named? Was it delivered to you on an old stone tablet by the high priestess of Paxo?

  1. Saw Jacques Pรฉpin the other night (on the telly) … he made a roast chicken, which he completely boned and stuffed, even to the channels through the meat where the bones had been, then tied/sewed/whatevered back into a shape resembling a chicken. Damnedest thing I ever saw. A touch disgusting, but it did look good.

  2. Belated Merry Christmas!!!
    We’re still in Mexico and I am a bit lazy when it comes to spending a time by computer when the weather is nice and warm and the ocean is calling…
    But soon we’ll be back to Vancouver and then I will have to check if I trashed the empty bottle of that whiskey for recycling :insane: I didn’t read all the small letters about the diamonds and all… :insane:

  3. Your header sort of reminds me of the alternative Christmas story I used to tell my son when he was a boy. The story of the Three Not So Wise Men. The other Three Kings who, due to inaccurate research results got lost on their way to Bethlehem and ended up somewhere in Canada.

    Anyway, we can all forget about Christmas now and move on. Therefore: Happy New Year!

    • Actually, in the opriginal story, as it was the first times I told it, the Three Not So Wise Men end up in a town called Herning. It’s a Danish town that, for reasons unknown, is rumoured to be the dullest town in the world. I was there a couple of times, and I can’t say those the rumours are entirely untrue.

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